Serious Exploitation

THOR- "Recruits"

2011-08-20T21:01:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you but when I think of POLICE ACADEMY rip-offs, I think of RECRUITS. This Canadian lensed, Rafal Zielinski (SCREWBALLS) helmed abomination never once made me laugh. Being the sadist I am, that makes it pretty memorable in my book. And it even had a theme song.

Stay tuned afterwards for more Thor galore.

KILL THE IRISHMAN and the reason why CGI must be stopped.

2011-07-21T16:22:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I sat down with Jonathan Hensleigh's KILL THE IRISHMAN. A decent time-waster based on the exploits of Irish American mobster, Danny Greene and the "Bomb City USA" years of 1976 Cleveland. Good acting, competent direction and unfortunately a shit-ton of horrible CGI explosions that really make me consider my devotion to film in general.

This type of lazy filmmaking is exactly what I feared from the rise of CGI. There's nothing remotely real about any of the explosions in this movie. I mean, fuck, couldn't you even build a model and blow it up? At least I'd know some thought and time would've went into it. Even the spliced-in stock footage explosions from EXECUTIONER PART 2 are more realistic.

The idea that you would make a movie revolving around a mob war that hinged on bombing and cheap out on the very thing that made it what it was is pretty fucking galling. And I know there's a bunch of people who wouldn't even give a fuck, that it's me who has the problem. And maybe they're right. After all, if I sucked down video game after video game and was very receptive of lame-ass digital filmmaking done by everyone's grandmother who had an inkling of making a movie once, well, yeah, I guess my expectations would be lowered enough to accept this cinematic chicanery.

Here's a thought: Instead of using the shit passing for explosions here, why not purchase 70's public domain footage of cars exploding and intercut it with the actual Cleveland news footage of the time chronicling the aftermath? It'd be creative in an editorial sense and add a sense of realism that the picture is sorely lacking.

There was a time when spectacle enhanced low-budget cinema if only to belie it's lack of funding. Now it's just an afterthought handled by "visual effects" nerds who've probably never lit a fuse on a firecracker.

So here's to the creators of the post production explosions on KILL THE IRISHMAN. Romanians kicked your ass in 1974.

SEx meets Pyun on the set of The Alamo.

2011-07-21T15:45:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday I was in attendance at the Alamo Drafthouse's showing of Albert Pyun's CAPTAIN AMERICA director's cut. I'd never seen the original cut but I'm a big fan of Pyun, especially DOWN TWISTED. DOWN TWISTED is one of the most criminally underrated films of the 1980's. I got to tell him how much I loved it. That made my year.

Some call Albert Pyun a hack and I guess to a certain degree, he is. However, years ago, we called these filmmakers journeymen, people with actual talent who can jump seamlessly from genre to genre. Not many of those people around today. Pyun always seems to get stuck holding the bag as well. And there's usually not enough money in it to finish the film.

It's true that some of his later work is hampered by awful scripts and aforementioned lack of finance but if you really watch his movies, there's a lot of visual artistry at work. You may think he's a hack due to budget, but you can't call him untalented. His work from the 80's will attest to that.

On this night, those in attendance got a sneak peak at the Director's Cut Pyun made and even though it's cheap, it's not bad at all. Quite honestly, I don't like superheroes or comics but his take on the whole CAPTAIN AMERICA thing was way more entertaining than most mainstream films I've seen in the past few years. It isn't bombastic, jarring or expensively fake-looking. For christ sake, it's even thoughtful.

And that's the beauty of Albert Pyun. A vast majority of his films are entertaining as hell even if they are compromised. I sure hope one day he gets the funding and final cut to produce a balls-out action pic that allows him to unleash the style he possesses. And then if it's bad, let the naysayers nay. But I don't think that'd happen. Not by a longshot.

Albert Pyun Website

Pyun @ IMDB

Pyun @ Wikipedia

Dave Edmunds-Heart Of The City.

2011-07-16T01:41:00.000-07:00

Dave Edmunds smokes Nick Lowe on this outing. And I love Nick Lowe. The wack ass guitar soloing here is only equaled by the seven second solo afterthought on The Pagans' "Street Where Nobody Lives". Lyrics, distortion, backbeat. This is rock and roll.

After The Fall Of Classic Rock.

2011-07-16T00:00:00.000-07:00

I was 12 in 1986. Still feeling the effects of Italian post-nuclear apocalypse brought on by 1982 Australian post-apocalypse. Maybe my parents wouldn't take me to see the cheapjack Italian ripoffs but soon they would play on The Movie Channel, when Joe Bob Briggs still mattered and BRIMSTONE AND TREACLE gave you quality time with your college-going, Police-obsessed sister over the summer yet still was boring as shit and you realized that family doesn't mean quality. According to this video, 1989 was the year of the apocalyptic skate punk but unfortunately the closest we got in that year of our Lord was CYBORG. It'd take another year with PRAYER OF THE ROLLERBOYS to even get close and that was a far cry from what BOC was doing 4 years earlier, That's okay. Turn and turn and turn we must.

Movies Worth Seeing of Atlanta, GA. To paraphrase Mr. Arthur Conley: "Kings of them all, y'all".

2011-07-10T00:32:00.000-07:00

In 1999, I got the best job I will ever have. And at a video store. The best video store in Atlanta. The de facto go-to, fight the man, I can't believe they're stocking this shit, this is why I moved from Jacksonville, Florida video store. It was all VHS back then. And it was beautiful.

I got the job because of Shawn Murphy. Shawn was working for Anne and Jerry Rubenstein, the visionaries of Movies Worth Seeing (MWS) (he put in a good word for me). They might not think they're visionaries but that's only because it's their style. Actually, most of their motavation in retrospect was probably like "Look, we'll stock the hits but for fuck's sake, you can't possibly want to watch that new shit constantly. We'll stock the classics, the weird and the wonderful and when FIREWALKER is checked out, we'll turn you onto DOWN BY LAW." And not in a pretentious way.

Anne and Jerry Rubenstein were successful, well-informed, down to earth entrepreneurs (hence, the store's longetivity) and equally as important, loved film. For them, it was commodity but they never treated the medium like widgets. And by that I mean, they knew they had to buy crap but they knew exactly how much crap to buy and be able to get the real unheralded treasures.

A lot of people opened up video rental stores during those Golden Days Of VHS. And a lot of them didn't get past the format wars of Beta vs. VHS much less the advent of DVD. By the time I moved to Atlanta, Mom and Pop stores were a thing of the past. For you kids today, next time you walk past some weird unlicensed-looking kiosk selling cellphones that has some remote tie to a major carrier, that was video rental in the 80's and for a few moments in the 90's. There was money to be made, but no soul. Those without soul perished to the Wal-Mart mentality of Blockbuster. Those that made it through that upheaval A) lived and did business in an area that was probably a large metropolitan city with a liberal, go-local mentality that embraced an alternative to the in-stock 400 copies of EXTREME MEASURES at corporate competitors or B) lived in a town so small that Blockbuster didn't even know they existed and therefore, had an open market. And you were lucky if if one of the two copies of EXTREME MEASURES was in.

Jesus H. Christ, I'm drunk.

But that's okay. Because last night in the city of Atlanta, there was a farewell/reunion that celebrated the legacy/closing of the oldest video store in Atlanta. Former employees and customers came together to pine, lament and be thankful they ever had such an opportunity to be a part of something so pure in spirit and heart yet payed the rent of a load of us who had the good fortune to be hired by the best bosses ever.

I wish I could've been there tonight. I wish I could've been there on the last night of operation. I wished it never closed at all.

When I found out about the closing of MWS, I wrote a note to Anne and Jerry for publication on their MWS Facebook page. Didn't post it. Dont know why. Didn't seem like the time or place. Today, it seems relevant for publication. So here goes:

Dear Anne and Jerry,

While the closure of Movies leaves everybody saddened and we all lament its demise, what many people don’t hear about is how well you treated your employees. Since leaving in 2004, I’ve been ruined by the concern, generosity and trust you showed me during the 5 years I was with you. You let me get away with shit most people in their right mind would’ve fired me for. But you weren’t crazy. I now believe you saw more worth in me than I saw in myself at the time and as I’ve gotten my stuff together (sort of) since I left, I’ve come to realize how incredible you two were and how damn lucky I was to be a part of your journey. Every employer I’ve worked for since I’ve compared you to and nobody, and I mean NOBODY, comes close. Hell, I now work for a corporate entity that basically treats me better than some “indie” business folk I’ve worked for since my days after MWS. But that’s the thing. Movies Worth Seeing was a different animal all the way around. The more I think about it, your success had nothing to do with the customers or employees. It was all you. You did everything right from the beginning. And the bunch of us nerdy cinematic malcontents love you more than you’ll ever know. I know I do.

Look, I’m not the guy who’s going to be carrying around your videos for you. But if you ever need me for something, I’ll be there.

Walter Hill told me to say that.

Your biggest fan,

Eric Matthew Harvey

Huh? What? I'z sleeping....

2011-07-03T14:41:00.000-07:00

Good lord. It's been over a year since my last post?

Feeling a little saucy. Feeling a little posty. Let's see what happens. I'm not promising anything. But let's see what happens.

20 YEARS OF "THE DAY THE LAUGHTER DIED"

2010-06-18T23:13:00.000-07:00

It's been a rough month here at SEx. For good reasons. Top 10 albums of the 90's resumes this weekend. Until then:

When I was 16, I loved Dice. What 16 year old shit-talking kid wouldn't: talkin' 'bout pussy, dirty nursery rhymes, a general fuck-you attitude, talkin' 'bout pussy. That first album, "Dice", doesn't age well. It's bad dirty mainstream comedy. If you're a 15 or 16 year old kid now, it may still be a hoot. Then again, kids today suck and find really shit things funny.

Anyway, here comes 1990 and I pick up "The Day The Laughter Died" at the Orange Park, FL Coconuts and I'm blown away by it. It becomes very influential to my life with it's vulgarity and absurdity. It's dirty and foul and incredibly politically incorrect but throughout has a stream-of-conciousness that raises it to a level of avant-garde art. And this is at the ascension of his career. When I finally saw Dice in an arena setting, it was fun but incredibly predictable. Over the years, the only thing that has stuck with me about that show at Bob Carr in Orlando was the ride down from Jacksonville with my friends Mike (who worked at the same Coconuts I bought the album from) and Brian in Mike's old-ass Toyota wagon and how far away from the stage we were. That shit was nosebleed.

That said, this album I can put on and listen to it from beginning to end like music. Whatever you think about Dice or even Rick Rubin, who signed Dice to Def American and saw something past the charade he became, you have to admit that if you take the plunge and listen to the whole thing (as well as the incredibly existential 1993 sequel, "The Day The Laughter Died, Part II" which chronicles a wounded Dice on his way down), there's something more going on that wasn't followed through on.

Such is the price of fame.

I still have vivid memories of my parents house circa 1990 laying in front of my stereo with headphones on listening to this album in the middle of night and trying to stifle my laughter. And while the whole album slayed me, it was mostly on this bit. I must have played this a zillion times over and over. And if you meet anyone who used to listen to his albums, they always remember this bit as being the pinnacle of Dice's comedic achievements. It pretty much sums up why Dice should've been more important than he is today (his own fault) and why maybe we saw something in him to begin with.

And since we're on the subject of comics, Doug Stanhope is still the king but charges too much for his shows and David Cross's bits annoy the piss out of me. If he hadn't chose comedy to exorcise his demons, I could easily see him becoming a cop to get even.

And on a completely random note, here's my go to video when I'm loaded. I don't know why but I feel the ned to share it.

DIE HARD 2: DIE HARDER is on FXM now. I saw that at the U.A. of Orange Park 20 years ago this summer with my much-missed grandmother. I gots to go.

UPDATE!

The end of "The Day The Laughter Died, Part II". Fucking brutal.

THE TOP 10 ROCK AND ROLL ALBUMS OF THE 1990'S IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER: #9: SUGAR, "COPPER BLUE" (1992)

2010-05-27T17:47:00.000-07:00

"Copper Blue" was the album I'd been waiting for from Bob Mould since Husker Du broke up in 1987. Grant Hart hit with his first solo album in 1988, "Intolerance", and it pretty much was what I expected from him at that juncture in time. Great pop songs just like the ones he wrote with the Huskers.

However, Mould gave us "Workbook". "Workbook" was kind of eh back in 1989 and it definitely hasn't gotten better for me with age. 1990's "Black Sheets of Rain" was a definite step in the right direction but again, it hasn't stuck with me at all.

Sugar's "Copper Blue" however will stand the test of time. All the songs on this album are keepers. Incredibly melodic pop songs with signature Mould guitar.The Sugar output after this isn't as good. And the solo stuff after, once again, is eh.

Mould is one of the most influential guitarists of his generation and quite honestly hasn't reached his full potential. Between his horrible electronica and half-hearted attempts at returning to rock and roll (he was giving up the electric after "The Last Dog and Pony Show"), I still await the return of the real Bob Mould.

If it's any consolation, Hart's solo output after "Intolerance" is equally as eh if not downright boring. But he also does his art so music doesn't seem to be his only bread and butter like Mould's. Their buddy Paul Westerberg has followed the same path of eh.

Husker bassist Greg Norton owns what looks like a kick ass restaurant and recently has returned to music in a band called The Gang Font feat. Interloper. It's eh too but Mr. Norton has other fish to fry, so to speak, so I don't hold this against him. And the motherfucker can jump.

XTRA SUGAR!

Best Sugar song post-"Copper Blue".

BONUS HUSKER!

My all time favorite Husker Du song, "Terms Of Psychic Warfare".

THE TOP 10 ROCK AND ROLL ALBUMS OF THE 1990'S IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER: #10: URGE OVERKILL "SATURATION" (1993)

2010-05-15T18:40:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I'm compiling this list. It came to me while I was drunk the other day. I'm usually not a fan of lists but seeing as my musical tastes and movie tastes are being ill-served at the moment, I guess I felt is was time to revisit the past. The 1990's, for all intents and purposes, were my salad days. Which is fine. I was younger, more open-minded, less educated and therefore less pretentious than I am now. In a nutshell, I was more honest. These albums made an incredible dent in my ears and deserve another look by you people. Or a replay if you hadn't heard them in a while. There is no particular order. Just 10 albums from the 1990's and all fucking kill.

10) Urge Overkill, "Saturation" (1993)

It was July 31, 1993. On this day I bought Urge Overkill's SATURATION from Wag's Record Hound in Orange Park, Florida, I had just gotten back from an aborted trip to Atlanta the day before to see Paul Westerberg at The Cotton Club. It was me, Beers, Mrs. Beers and AO'L.

Oh, we saw Westerberg but we'd gotten a hotel room at this fleabag hotel outside the perimeter and some crackhead started knocking on the hotel door and freaked some of us out so we piled in AO'L's car (was it a Monte Carlo?) and headed back to the FLA. Either way, I got home, went record shopping and saw a show at the Doctor's Inlet Civic Center. I was 20 years and had the world by the balls.

"Saturation" was the soundtrack to my summer, blasting out of my 1980 Ford Mustang on the shittiest speakers known to man. Even better was the fact that I could shift gears on the 'stang and make it backfire which sounded like a gunshot. People would jump in bushes and scream in terror. "...I'm watchin' you and Fidel Castro in the sand...."

It's still as impressive almost 17 years to the day of it's release.

BONUS URGE! From "The Supersonic Storybook":

THIS MAN

2010-05-05T19:21:00.000-07:00

Sam Raimi and Ghost House will be doing a film based on the This Man creepiness with STRANGERS director Bryan Bertino.

THIS MAN-NIKKI FINKE

Information about the This Man phenomenon can be found here.

We here at Serious Exploitation have solved the mystery.

This man...

... is Dean Stockwell.

SERIOUS EXPLOITATION APPROVED SONG OF THE WEEK

2010-04-26T18:49:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since we had one of these. Guaranteed to rattle around in your head all day. Here's Pretty & Nice with "Tora Tora Tora".

EATEN ALIVE (1977)

2010-04-25T20:29:00.000-07:00

You’d think after hitting the big-time (and not getting paid for it), Tobe Hooper would have had carte blanche to tackle whatever subject he’d like. After all, director William Friedkin (THE EXORCIST) and producer Dino De Laurentiis (DEATH WISH, KING KONG) were photographed walking out of a screening of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1974) together, which I personally think lends credibility to a film reviled by critics and audiences at the time of its release. But no, Hooper found himself helming another horror picture, and lucky for us, it was EATEN ALIVE.

Decorated WWII vet-turned-actor Neville Brand (STALAG 17) stars as Judd, owner of the Texas-based Starlight Hotel, which has the distinct honor of housing a hungry crocodile in a pond right in front of its porch. It doesn’t take long to see that Judd’s a bit crazy and prefers to kill the folks who show up at his hotel rather than give them a room. On this particular evening, Judd has an assembly line of victims (and croc treats): a failed runaway hooker (Roberta Collins, CAGED HEAT!), her father (Mel Ferrer, HANDS OF ORLAC) and sister (Crystin Sinclaire, HUSTLER SQUAD) who’ve come from Houston to find her, a completely dysfunctional husband and wife (played by TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE’s Marilyn Burns and William Finley of PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE) and their child (Kyle Richards, little Lindsey Wallace from HALLOWEEN), as well as local bad boy Buck (who’s “rarin’ to fuck”), a role perfectly realized by Freddy Krueger himself, Robert Englund.

That simple storyline is essentially the plot and does it ever show. The script by producer Mardi Rustam (EVILS OF THE NIGHT) and Alvin Fast (writer of many a Greydon Clark film) was obviously poor to begin with, but between a talented cast and the personal nuances given the characters by Kim Henkel (writer of LAST NIGHT AT THE ALAMO and the original CHAINSAW, given an ‘adapted for the screen’ credit here) and the inclusion of Hooper’s lighting schemes and CHAINSAW-esque direction, a terrible night at the drive-in became a strange and interesting failure that keeps you watching. With more thought and time, EATEN ALIVE could’ve been a modern day horror classic.

All in all, Neville Brand is the real winner here (uncannily resembling Grant Hart from the influential post-punk/hardcore band Husker Du). The personally troubled actor gives a tour-de-force performance as the psychopathic Judd; his offbeat, gravel voice sells his character’s insanity, as does the child-like mannerisms he affects during kill scenes.

Unfortunately, one of my main problems with EATEN ALIVE has always been why Judd kills people. I’ve always been left to wonder if he’s been killing guests for years or if this is the first night he’s gone off the deep end and into murder. At first, the script sets up collusion between local madame Miss Hattie (Carolyn Jones) and the Sheriff (Stuart Whitman of GUYANA CULT OF THE DAMNED, and doing a damn fine Christopher George impersonation here, I might add). This development leads the viewer to think maybe the town knows about Judd’s handiwork but chooses not to deal with it, or actually endorses it to deal with nosy interlopers. Without giving away too much, they don’t, and once again this illustrates the failure of the script in regards to Brand’s character’s motivation and back-story, as well as that of the town’s.

EATEN ALIVE has always had a claustrophobic, shot-on-a-studio look that adds a touch of the surreal to the proceedings. As mentioned before, Hooper’s lighting and direction (especially in the adrenaline pumping finale), Henkel’s nuanced characterizations, and the altogether sleazy tone throughout make EATEN ALIVE a must watch 70’s horror film. More important, however, is to witness the undoing of a talented director and cast by a flimsy set-up and rushed production. You can really sense the movie trying to escape its exploitation roots, which makes it succeed despite its overall failure.

Recently re-released in a 2-Disc Special Edition by Dark Sky Films and available in Wal-Marts everywhere, EATEN ALIVE gets a total makeover that’s heads above the previous edition released by Elite Entertainment. Major kudos to Dark Sky for doing a bang-up job with EATEN ALIVE, from feature presentation to extras.

Disc 1 contains a remastered, 1:85 Anamorphic Widescreen transfer presented in Dolby Digital 2.0 mono, with a choice of English, Spanish and French language tracks and an option of English subtitles. The film itself is rather low-lit at times and grainy, but in this instance it adds to the cheapjack, drive-in ambiance that endears it to many and, therefore, the transfer presented here is just fine. Extras on this disc include a feature-length commentary that provides an informative overview of the production with producer Rustam, drive-in queen Collins, Finley, Richards and make-up artist Craig Reardon. The inclusion of a still gallery closes out the first disc.

Disc 2 contains a load of extras, including the Red Shirt Productions featurettes THE GATOR CREATOR and MY NAME IS BUCK. The 20 minute GATOR CREATOR is an informative sit-down about EATEN ALIVE with director Hooper, while MY NAME IS BUCK, clocking in at about 15 minutes, does a great job introducing us to Robert Englund’s acting career and his thoughts on what was his first horror film.

Red Shirt also produced the 5 MINUTES WITH MARILYN interview included on the second disc, and other than getting to see what Marilyn Burns looks like now, I found it pretty much a letdown. Compared to the other two interviews, this one seemed rushed and lacking in information.

The featurettes are rounded out by the MPI produced THE BUTCHER OF ELMENDORF: THE LEGEND OF JOE BALL, an interesting 23 minute look at a vintage Texas true crime case that was an influence on EATEN ALIVE. At the start, I believed the mini-doc was going to be quite boring, but the more interviewee Richard “Bucky” Ball speaks about his titular uncle (the patented Texas ease with which Bucky explains his family history is interesting in itself), the more odd and fascinating this simple portrait of a madman becomes. Joe Ball was a “not quite right” returning WWI soldier/bootlegger who later turned tavern owner with six alligators in a pit behind his bar. Over the course of time (explained in a very succinct manner here), Ball murdered at least two women he had intimate relationships with.

Thanks to true crime magazines, his legend grew over the years, with the legacy embellished to 12 murders and the feeding of human remains to the alligators. Ball’s recollections of Elmendorf, TX and his Uncle Joe (his story of being a child and watching patrons bring stray dogs and cats to throw to the gators for entertainment is quite chilling) make for an intriguing documentary which paints a strange picture of the old rural Southwest.

Given that EATEN ALIVE had a host of theatrical re-releases with different titles, its most appreciated that we are provided with the alternate credits and title sequences for DEATH TRAP and STARLIGHT SLAUGHTER (but where’s LEGEND OF THE BAYOU?). Yet the real find included here are comment cards from original preview screenings of EATEN ALIVE that range from moderately humorous to laugh-out-loud funny. On them, filmgoers lucky (or for some, unlucky) enough to be involved with the process gave their uncensored personal opinions. After scrolling through these multiple times, I’ve come to the conclusion that these hilarious cards of uncensored, audience thought are worth the purchase price alone. TV and radio spots, theatrical trailers and a slideshow also make their way onto a well-researched extras disc.

As a whole, the 2-Disc Special Edition of EATEN ALIVE puts everything in place for its rediscovery. Oddly enough, that rediscovery may lead to the realization of how much a failure the finished film is. Seriously, the movie annoyed me like never before, sort of like a smart kid playing dumb. EATEN ALIVE is just one of those movies that could’ve been something given the proper time and money. If any movie was ready for a remake (which Hooper could direct), it’s the highly watchable, yet ultimately disappointing, EATEN ALIVE.

Neville Brand shot ripped from
SCREENRUSH.CO.UK

Various EATEN ALIVE movie posters completely swiped from

NEFARIOUS FILMS

STRAIGHT TO HELL

WRONG SIDE OF THE ART

STORM WARNING (2007)

2010-04-25T19:32:00.000-07:00

For a horror-thriller that breaks no new ground, the Australian STORM WARNING is a passable DELIVERANCE meets TEXAS CHAINSAW hybrid that delivers the gore (briefly) but fails in the brutality department. This damn thing needs to be a lot more brutal than it is. And the brutality that’s there doesn’t have any conviction.

This Australian lawyer and his French artist wife get lost in the mangroves while boating and take refuge in a perfectly art-directed slob palace. You’ve seen them before: houses in a horror movie that are designed to let the audience know that, hey, the family that lives here are psycho rapists.

They also happen to be pot growers. And the lawyer ruins their pot. Which also makes the psycho rapists a little more psycho rapisty in the long run.

So the father and his two sons who psycho rape the place up on a regular basis lock our two protagonists in the barn for most of the movie and terrorize them. They also have to contend with a psycho rapist mutt named Honky. Of course, using their artist and lawyer cunning, they fight back. Actually the French artist fights back because the Australian lawyer is too pussy to fight and gets a broken leg due to his pussiness.

As far as acting goes, the pussy lawyer is pretty much a statue. The French artist is perfectly realized by Nadia Fares (CRIMSON RIVERS). She’s no Ripley, but she lends the character a nice blend of femininity and resilience. The psycho rapists aren’t a bad lot of actors either, providing the off-kilter menace scumbags like these need.

However, the film itself is so pedestrian, it’s hard to recommend it, even as a weekend time-waster. The film looks good overall, but we’ve seen this so many times that this exercise in commendable, competent filmmaking is a crushing bore (Jamie Blanks, director of URBAN LEGEND and VALENTINE helms the pic, which now makes me realize why STORM WARNING is so blah).

STORM WARNING’s biggest mistake is that it pulls back on its brutality on numerous occasions, as if the makers are almost too scared to push anything over the limit. It had such a good shot at being a total bastard of a movie. Released on the Dimension Extreme label but the only thing extreme about it is how extremely yawn-inducing the film as a whole ends up being.

This type of film is better handled by Canadians. Somebody should have slipped the script to Paul Lynch (who was born in the UK, but makes Canada a viable exploitation mecca).

SUPERSTITION aka THE WITCH (1982)

2010-04-25T08:47:00.000-07:00

SUPERSTITION was one of the last of the unrated horror releases of the mid-80's and it opened up in Miami in May of 1985. Some of the murders are pretty gruesome but most of them happen off screen. Other than the exploding head, I can't figure out why this movie couldn't secure an R rating.

It seems in 1692, this witch was drowned in a pond behind where this old ass house sits now. The new reverend and his family are moving in, until they find other accommodations. Are they building him a house? Possibly, because if you go by the logic of this movie, the land this house sits on is the town (the police hang out there constantly, as if they have no other place to go).

And you really get to know this house, kind of like EVIL DEAD. You're always in the kitchen or on the stairs. You hang out in the basement a lot or chill by the pond. The only time you're on another set is a trip to a makeshift Catholic Church library or when you're cinematically transported back to around 1692, and you end up in the ruins of a church or a wine cellar on the same property. You still get to chill by the pond though. This is classic low-budget, one-set location shooting.

Anyway, to make a long story short, the house is cursed and everybody except the new reverends (one old and drunk, one young and likable) know about it yet they do nothing except hang around and wait for others to get killed or get killed themselves.

There's a creepy old woman with a mute son subplot that goes nowhere. There's a drunk reverend who's losing his faith subplot that goes nowhere. There's turmoil within the drunk reverend's family that goes nowhere. And you got the young reverend who slowly (and I mean slowly) digs up the past and finally becomes a believer in the curse of the witch.

By all accounts, he should've got the fucking point that this place is bad news when the head inspector (Albert Salmi, by the way) tells him about all the deaths at the place over the years, not to mention the ones that happen right before everybody moves in (the beginning of the movie starts out with a head exploding in the microwave and a window cutting a guy in half).

You'd think when a saw blade magically pops off a saw, spins backward with amazing velocity, imbeds itself into the outgoing reverend's chest (in front of, like, five people) and keeps spinning until it's gone through the reverend and the chair, that somebody would tell the new reverend and his family, "Hey, you might want to stay at a Motel 6 until we get you a proper living arrangement."

If this is not the most blatant "get out" sign ever in a horror film, the second one should've really got them packing. If my daughter were pulled out of a pond with a severed arm clutching to her leg, I'd be out the door.

The witch likes to throw people around a lot. She also likes to slam doors, then break them down obviously for the dramatic effect. She's good for a couple of creepy moments but all in all, is wasted.

And that's a bad thing, because SUPERSTITION had all the elements to go somewhere, but it all got totally fucked up somehow.

How far out of control does your movie get that the characters seem like inexcusably clueless idiots and the proceedings makes no sense? SUPERSTITION begs for answers to these questions many, many times throughout it's 83 minute running time. The filmmaking is surprisingly good, the acting adequate for a horror movie from this time period and the deaths are quite inventive. Unfortunately, SUPERSTITION feels like pages and pages of the script got ripped out as if the production fell behind schedule. There's even a pajama change gaffe on one of the reverend's teen daughters in the thick of the finale (no nudity, though).

The writer, Michael O. Sajbal recently directed the theatrical Christian films, ONE NIGHT WITH THE KING and THE ULTIMATE GIFT. The director, James W. Roberson, was the cinematographer on REDNECK COUNTY and THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN.

Anchor Bay's 2006 DVD release is quite eye-pleasing but low on extras, including only a trailer for it's alternate title, THE WITCH.

SUPERSTITION video box art grabbed from DEATH WISH INDUSTRIES.

Head In A Microwave screencap yanked from DREAD CENTRAL.

EVIL DEAD coming to Austin and GONE WITH THE POPE news!

2010-04-14T21:07:00.000-07:00

I recently found this is the Serious Exploitation email box. I'll be honest. I rarely ever check it being that nobody ever writes me anything. But this was in there and I figured if David Szulkin and company thought enough to send me a press release, then goddamn it, I'm gonna post it. Plus EVIL DEAD is coming to Austin. I've got to support that.

GRINDHOUSE RELEASING Presents Duke Mitchell's GONE WITH THE POPE, Sam Raimi's EVIL DEAD

Oscar-Winner Bob Murawski to Introduce Festival Screenings

LOS ANGELES - Grindhouse Releasing is proud to announce that Duke Mitchell's long-lost 1970s crime saga GONE WITH THE POPE will be shown on screens across the country following the film's successful world premiere in Hollywood.

A renowned nightclub entertainer, singer and movie actor known as "Mr. Palm Springs," Mitchell directs and stars in GONE WITH THE POPE as an ex-con who hatches a plan to kidnap the Pope in exchange for the ransom of "a dollar from every Catholic in the world." The movie has been described as "the holy grail for lovers of B-movies" and "a true gem from the American underground."

GONE WITH THE POPE was shot in 1975 but remained unfinished at the time of Duke Mitchell's death in 1981. The film reels sat in his son's garage until Grindhouse Releasing owners Sage Stallone and Bob Murawski offered to take a shot at piecing the movie together. Murawski took charge of the restoration and spent 15 years giving Mitchell's low-budget movie an A-list treatment in between editing Sam Raimi's SPIDER MAN 1, 2 & 3, DRAG ME TO HELL, and THE HURT LOCKER.

Murawski and wife/partner Chris Innis won Best Film Editing Oscars for their work on THE HURT LOCKER the same week that GONE WITH THE POPE premiered at the Egyptian Theatre in Hollywood.

"The audience response to the movie at the Hollywood premiere surpassed my wildest expectations," Murawski said. "The turnout was incredible, with the Egyptian Theatre filled to almost capacity. And the crowd was with the movie the entire time - laughing, gasping and cheering at all the appropriate places. The film ended to a thunderous applause that lasted a full minute. It was like a Cannes Film Festival screening. Or a rock concert. After 15 years of hard work finishing this movie, the feeling of accomplishment was tangible and profound. My only regret was that Duke himself was not with us to share it. However, I'm certain he was there in spirit. I feel we have done something truly special in finishing GONE WITH THE POPE, and am excited that audiences across the US and beyond will get a chance to experience the movie on the big screen in its upcoming theatrical tour."

The buzz from the film's debut caught the interest of Landmark Theatres, which has been working with Grindhouse on the revival of Sam Raimi's EVIL DEAD. GONE WITH THE POPE is scheduled to open on Landmark screens in New York City, Chicago, Detroit, St. Louis, Minneapolis, Houston, Dallas, and Washington, D.C.

Murawski will travel to Copenhagen to introduce GONE WITH THE POPE at the CPH PIX Film Festival this month. He will also attend a festival screening at George Eastman House International Museum of Photography and Film in May.

Meanwhile, Grindhouse Releasing reports success with its ongoing North American tour featuring Sam Raimi's EVIL DEAD. The horror classic will screen April 3 at the Alamo Drafthouse in WInchester, Va., and April 10 at the Alamo Drafthouse Westlakes in San Antonio, Tx., on a triple bill with EVIL DEAD 2 and ARMY OF DARKNESS.

"EVIL DEAD is a movie that will never die," said David Szulkin, head of theatrical bookings for Grindhouse Releasing. "Thanks to Landmark Theatres, the Alamo Drafthouse, and other exhibitors, we've been able to bring the movie back to the fans who love it. Recent screenings of EVIL DEAD at the Nu Art Theatre in Los Angeles, the Alamo in North Austin, and other venues were sold out completely. The movie will continue to play through the end of 2010."

For more information and updates, visit www.GrindhouseReleasing.com and www.GoneWithThePope.com. For press, stills, and bookings, e-mail David Szulkin at info@grindhousereleasing.com.

GONE WITH THE POPE trailer

L.A. Weekly review of GONE WITH THE POPE by Karina Longworth

VARIETY coverage of GONE WITH THE POPE premiere by Carole Horst

GONE WITH THE POPE

April 3 - Grand Illusion Cinema, Seattle

April 23 & 25 - CPH PIX Festival, Copenhagen

May 6 - George Eastman House, Rochester, NY

May 10 - Doc Films, Chicago

May 21 & 22 - E Street Cinema, Washington, D.C.

June 4 & 5 - Sunshine Cinema, NYC

June 11 & 12 - Uptown Theatre, Minneapolis

June 18 & 19 Main Art Theatre, Detroit

June 25 & 26 River Oaks, Houston

July 2 & 3 Inwood Theatre, Dallas

EVIL DEAD

April 3 – Alamo Winchester, Winchester, VA

April 10 – Alamo Westlakes, San Antonio – with EVIL DEAD 2 and ARMY OF DARKNESS

April 16-17 – Cable Car Cinema, Providence, RI

April 23-24 – Guild Cinema, Albuquerque, NM

April 30 – May 1 – Music Box Theatre, Chicago

May 2 – 5 – Alamo Ritz, Austin, TX

May 14 – 15 – Hi-Pointe Theatre, St. Louis

May 21 – Urban Institute for Contemporary Arts, Grand Rapids, MI

May 22 - Hudson Horror Show, Poughkeepsie, NY with PIECES and ZOMBIE

May 28-29 – Oaks Theater, Oakmont, PA

June 5 – Cedar Lee Theatre, Cleveland

June 12- 13 – Palace Theatre, Syracuse

June 12 – Ken Cinema, San Diego

June 19 – Ritz East, Philadelphia

June 25 – Art Theatre, Long Beach, CA

July 9-11 – Brattle Theatre, Cambridge, MA

July 24 – Circle Cinema, Tulsa, OK

July 31 – Cinema Arts Centre, Huntington, NY

August 21 – Oriental Theatre, Milwaukee

September 4 – The Screen, Santa Fe, NM

September 10 – 11 – MIDWAY DRIVE-IN, Dixon, Ill., with S.F. Brownrigg’s SCUM OF THE EARTH and more!

October 15 – Castro Theatre, San Francisco

October 29 – 30 – Main Art Theatre, Detroit

About Grindhouse Releasing:

Owned by actor/director Sage Stallone and Academy Award-winning film editor Bob Murawski, Grindhouse Releasing has restored such notorious exploitation-horror films as CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST, CANNIBAL FEROX (a.k.a. MAKE THEM DIE SLOWLY), Lucio Fulci's THE BEYOND and CAT IN THE BRAIN, PIECES, and I DRINK YOUR BLOOD. Renowned for its commitment to excellence, the company has been called the Criterion of cult movies (Film-Talk.com). In addition to its DVD releases, Grindhouse distributes its films in theaters. Grindhouse Releasing partnered with Quentin Tarantino's Rolling Thunder to release THE BEYOND in theaters and in 2010 launched a nationwide re-release of Sam Raimi's EVIL DEAD.

THEY CAME FROM THE SWAMP: THE FILMS OF WILLIAM GREFE by Daniel Griffith

2010-04-04T18:44:00.000-07:00

Oh boy, is this gonna be fantastic. THE WONDER WORLD OF K. GORDON MURRAY helmer Daniel Griffith is set to release this fall THEY CAME FROM THE SWAMP: THE FILMS OF WILLIAM GREFE, a documentary on South Florida filmmaking legend William Grefe.

Keep abreast of the goings on of Griffith and his films at:

THEY CAME FROM THE SWAMP website.

Ballyhoo Motion Pictures YouTube site.

THE WONDER WORLD OF K. GORDON MURRAY site.

I don't know Griffith personally but it's obvious the man has a driving obsession for the more obscure and untold aspects of the exploitation world. That needs to be rewarded. Check in at these sites today.

THE CAR (1977)

2010-04-04T10:45:00.000-07:00

I first saw THE CAR on television way back in the day, and there is one scene in this film, THE one scene that every one remembers, that scared the ever loving shit out of me. I swore I heard that damn car’s horn outside my bedroom window many a night.

I guess it was about 1999 when ye ol’ Anchor Bay drove out the new model CAR. Never before released on home video, the 2:35 widescreen print of director Elliott Silverstein’s most interesting film was a watershed moment for a lot of genre nuts. If the future of DVD brings us widescreen releases of stuff like THE CAR, then we as movie fans not in love with the new school really do have a reason to live.

Jump ahead about 9 years. It’s May 6, 2008 and Anchor Bay’s version of THE CAR has been out of print on VHS and DVD for sometime, commanding collector’s prices for both on eBay. During a rough patch, I had to liquidate my DVD collection and THE CAR was one of those that had to go. I’ve rued the day since then, but then what do you know about that? A major Hollywood studio went and done me a solid; Universal Pictures re-released THE CAR ON DVD.

On May 13, 1977, twelve days before the unleashing of that garbage ass STAR WARS, America had the theatrical release of THE CAR given to them and the asshole filmgoers of the time ignored it. For shitty ass robots, of all things.

Almost 31 years to the day of it’s original unveiling, America was once again able to rectify it’s error and run out and get themselves a new refurbished CAR, and possibly figure out that this sleeper of a horror flick is ten times better than that fucking wookie movie people can’t seem to let go of.

James Brolin stars as Wade Parent, a sheriff whose small Utah desert community happens to run afoul of the titular car. The car, a 1971 Lincoln Mark III designed by custom king George Barris of Munsters and Batman vehicle fame, just shows up. It starts running people off the road, killing cops and attacking children and horses and private homes. It’s a long, black, creepy monstrosity with a lowered top and tinted amber windows. It has no door handles and it seems to be lacking a driver as well.

As more people are ground into the Utah dirt by the car’s evil wheels, it comes to no surprise that sooner or later, somebody in the cast was going to bring the idea of the supernatural into play. And that person would be the impotent, alcoholic and god-fearing deputy Luke played by master thespian Ronny Cox.

And the thing is, he’s right.

It’s the devil, or a disciple of the devil, or just pure telepathic evil, but whichever one it is, the car itself is real and must be stopped. And what’s left of the police force along with local dynamite salesman/mountain blaster R.G. Armstrong (LONE WOLF MCQUADE) get together for a rip-roarin’ finale that caps what is still today, a fun and unpretentious horror film safe enough to show your kids but not stupid enough to bore you silly. And it is still better than STAR WARS.

THE CAR has quite a pedigree too. Director Silverstein helmed CAT BALLOU (1965) with Jane Fonda and Lee Marvin and the Richard Harris classic, A MAN CALLED HORSE (1970). Writers Michael Butler and Dennis Shyrack co-wrote Clint Eastwood’s best film THE GAUNTLET (1977), as well as Chuck Norris second best film, CODE OF SILENCE (1985) and went back to Eastwood again with PALE RIDER (1985). You’ve also got Ronny Cox (ROBOCOP, DELIVERANCE) and Oscar nominated John Marley (LOVE STORY, FACES) lending needing credibility to the proceedings (it is a possessed car movie) as well as the Sarah Silverman-esque Kathleen Lloyd (IT LIVES AGAIN, “Magnum P.I.”) making every thing easy on the eyes when she pops up.

One of the major things to mention about THE CAR, for me anyway, is the start of what I consider James Brolin’s sweet spot, career wise. You talk about a hot streak: this film in 1977, CAPRICORN ONE in 1978, THE AMITYVILLE HORROR in 1979, the criminally underrated NIGHT OF THE JUGGLER in 1980 and the 1981 buddy-action caper HIGH RISK with Cleavon Little (BLAZING SADDLES) and Anthony Quinn (ACROSS 110th STREET), which while not criminally underrated is underrated none the less. After RISK, we lost a great action star to the unfulfilling world of soap opera network TV.

I’m totally going to hang myself out on a limb here, but this transfer may be better than the Anchor Bay version. Granted I can’t make the comparison because I don’t have that release anymore, but for the life of me, I don’t remember it looking this good, and I know for a fact, that back in ’99, the Anchor Bay version was as sweet as they came.

And technically, this is a good-looking horror movie. Even though it resembles a made for TV pic in some respects (most 70’s Universal theatrical releases did), it’s obvious that Silverstein and YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN cinematographer Gerald Hirschfeld, knew just what they had in their surroundings and made excellent use of the Utah landscapes, shooting in glorious Panavision. The cinematography makes you want to jump right into the dusty, sun-soaked, mountainous terrain of the film, even if Satan is out there trying to run you down.

The Anchor Bay version had some well-written liner notes that are not included here and I remember them talking about filming people or possibly Ronny Cox in doorways to signify something, somehow getting arty about shooting THE CAR. Who knows? Maybe that’s what makes it so interesting and fun.

The Universal release is also missing the 5.1 surround present on the Anchor Bay version, opting here for a Dolby Digital 2.0 audio presentation. It works just fine for this anamorphic dual-layer disc. No chapter list, which is interesting but it does have the original trailer.

Like any film that helped shaped my odd tastes, it’s always good to see THE CAR again. Hell, there’s even a whole new generation of horror fans who’ve evolved since the original Anchor Bay release and have possibly been deprived due to the wacky price structure of quickly OOP DVD’s.

Jump ahead again to 2010. THE CAR is still readily available for you to test drive.

Brolin and Car pic hotwired from Cinematical.

Yikes! Who booked this?

2010-04-02T20:58:00.001-07:00

04/02/1987

THE NUDE BOMB (1980)

2010-03-29T20:50:00.000-07:00

I remember catching THE NUDE BOMB years ago on cable. I think it was ON TV actually, an early pay service in Miami that broadcast on a UHF channel and came on about 7pm at night (9am on the weekends). They began their signal and you had this little box you switched from off to on. Hence ON TV.

I remember also watching the horse racing replays before the channel turned into ON TV, which may be why I’m a gambler now.

The point here is that I was a kid, maybe about 7 years old and I found THE NUDE BOMB hilarious then. Just the name alone conjured up some salacious 7-year-old sex thinking. Sadly, all the nudity was brief male ass, no titties. I was heartbroken.

When the GET SMART release was in theaters, Universal felt it was high time to break out the Don Adams big screen Maxwell Smart debut to create some synergy on the home video market. If you include the recently released GET SMART’S BRUCE AND LLOYD OUT OF CONTROL, a cash-in quickie following two of the new film’s peripheral characters, it’s Maxwell Smart summer.

I was excited to check out this childhood favorite again. Widescreen to boot.

Holy Fuck, I wish I’d left well enough alone.

I can’t imagine being the age I am now and watching this thing when it first came out. What a comedic disaster all around.

The plot concerns a bomb that when dropped will turn everybody in the area nude. CHAOS, the group of bad guys that was the bane of Maxwell Smart’s existence, is again responsible for the impending nakedness at hand and wants a princely sum to not drop these things on the general public. So it’s up to Maxwell Smart and his team to find out where CHAOS is hiding and put an end to the nefarious plan.

Only for them to get there, Smart and his team have to unload the worse jokes, innuendos and one-liners that would only make a 7-year-old kid laugh.

These jokes aren’t even groaners. They’re assholers. Assholers are jokes that are so bad, that when strung together feature length, they make you feel like a complete asshole for watching the movie. The jokes are so bad that it’s almost as if everyone involved with the production had a vendetta against the human race.

Some of you might say that I can’t accept the “clean” humor of the film. Nobody is saying fuck or shit constantly, nobody is showing their titties and bush for yuks, and nobody’s sticking their cocks through shower stall holes waiting for fat P.E. teachers to grab a hold while that person’s friends laugh and leave him.You know what? Maybe you’re right.

But those same people doing the finger pointing at me probably think DORF ON GOLF is comedy gold.

As it stands, the comedy here is weak and creaky and the cast seems as if they were in a hurry to get out of working on this film and get in a good movie. Hell, Dana Eclar, MacGyver’s buddy, is most out of his element here. He’s a good fatherly sidekick, but he’s no straight man.

The only thing to recommend is a young Sylvia Kristel (PRIVATE LESSONS) in her prime. I forgot how hot she was. And with a name like THE NUDE BOMB, Kristel should’ve been buck-ass naked from beginning to end.

The DVD looks good enough considering its release is purely cash-in. No trailer and no chapter menu. Shit, I’m surprised they remembered to put the movie on there.

I think what really hurts is the good memories I had as a kid were totally obliterated. And I’m ashamed at what I considered funny, even at 7-years-old. I can say that the desk car part is still cool, but otherwise, stay far, far away from THE NUDE BOMB unless you’re a cinematic masochist because this shit makes NIGHT PATROL look like BLAZING SADDLES. And that's coming from a NIGHT PATROL fan.

NUDE BOMB ephemera nicked from movieposters.com

Sylvia Kristel photo swiped from Jahsonic.

SEARCH AND DESTROY (1979)

2010-03-29T20:03:00.000-07:00

I would have never, ever…ever, ever, ever thought a fun drive-in action pic could be set in Niagara Falls.

Well didn’t William Fruet’s 1979 lensed SEARCH AND DESTROY make me its little bitch. I’m just over a barrel for this forgotten slice of Canadian filmmaking.

Perry King (CLASS OF 1984) and Don Stroud (COOGAN’S BLUFF) star as Vietnam vets who’ve pissed of the wrong governmental Vietnamese liaison. Seems back in the shit, they left him to die when he left one of their buddies to die. And he lied about it! Dirty commie bastards.

Cut to 1978 and someone is bumping off the remaining members of King and Stroud’s platoon. There’s no secret here. It’s the Vietnamese liaison dude who’s listed in the credits as “Assassin”. Shit, this movie moves along at such a clip, they don’t have time to give the killer a name.

Since the assassin puts Stroud in the hospital pretty early in the film, this is Perry King’s movie all the way. And he and Victor Charlie shoot up downtown Niagara Falls in fast-paced, well-executed action scenes that make you wonder why Fruet’s FUNERAL HOME (1980) is such a goddamn sleep inducer.

Damn, I haven’t even mentioned George Kennedy’s in it fresh off of MEAN DOG BLUES (1978). I am now and he’s a fucking character actor rock throughout this entertaining nonsense. You know that feeling you had when you were a little kid that wherever you went with your dad, you knew you were safe? George Kennedy gives me that feeling in any movie I see him in. I know I’m going to get good old fashioned meat and potatoes scenery chewing and the movie isn’t going to suck too badly. I know he’s been in some shit but it’s ALL entertaining shit.

When somebody came up with the Ford slogan “Quality is Job #1”, I’d bet dollars to fucking doughnuts they were watching George Kennedy rip up the screen. It may have even been this movie. Ford owes George Kennedy some residuals.

From start to finish, SEARCH AND DESTROY shows excellent tech credits and has turned me onto a new band I knew not existed. Ever hear of FM ? I hadn’t but this progressive rock trio out of Canada has a Goblin-esque sound that right out of the gate makes your ears perk up and adds even more to an obviously skimpy bottom line.

And that’s the great thing about SEARCH AND DESTROY. There’s a level of craftsmanship plus dedication and chutzpah that comes across in every frame. You got Perry King damn near killing himself a couple times falling off of rocks and shit. The extras on the street during the downtown shootouts looked confused as hell as if Fruet and company went guerrilla on Niagara Falls during busy season. The music as noted before is top-notch and the acting all around great (save for Tisa Farrow but I didn’t have to tell you that). This little bastard has so much energy to it, I unplugged my DVD player and SEARCH AND DESTROY kept it powered up.

It also is one of the late great Film Venture International’s releases and that explains a lot too. Ed Montoro knew a pretty decent b-film when he saw it. It’s a no-brainer he’d throw a little loot towards Canada way to pick this fine sleeper for 1981 U.S. release. Why he chose to market it with a one-sheet with a guy who looks maybe Peter Coyote or Sam Waterston with a beard and a guy who kind of looks like Don Stroud, only that man knows. But nothing beats the poster for the retitling called STRIKING BACK that I poached off of the fantastic all things Canadian genre site, CANUXPLOITATION (who don’t share my love for this film).

The way of the winner! Fuck yeah. Sounds like a Wheaties ad. Actually, an all-bran cereal called SEARCH AND DESTROY with the STRIKING BACK artwork on the box taunting me to eat it with the way of the winner tag line? I don’t even need milk.

The Dark Sky double feature with THE GLOVE is gold and the print used here is flawless. Do yourself a favor and check out SEARCH AND DESTROY. You’ll be glad you did.

George Kennedy photo ganked from Cinissimo.

How about a little late 70's South Florida Punk Rock?

2010-03-26T19:55:00.001-07:00

I miss my Cichlids album.

PROPHECY (1979)

2010-03-19T22:12:00.000-07:00

One of my lasting memories was as a five year old kid and seeing a billboard for PROPHECY on the way back from visiting my late uncle and aunt in Pembroke Pines. That’s pretty terrifying artwork for that age and I was so freaked out and excited by it that John Frankenheimer’s eco-horror misfire has occupied a space in my brain ever since.

Cut to a few years later and after seeing it on TV, I can’t say I was impressed. And I was probably 7. This means I was pretty impressionable. Whatever, one more horror film down, 109,456 more to go.

Fast forward to 2010. I still have PROPHECY on the brain and decide after 20+ years, its time to revisit the old girl.

I’m still not impressed.

But I looooove this fucked-up movie.

Robert Foxworth and Talia Shire play doctor and musician. Foxworth is a doctor who specializes in social justice while Shire plays the day away with a local orchestra. She’s pregnant and he doesn’t want kids in this crappy world. By sheer movie luck, Foxworth gets a break from a politically connected friend to investigate a logging factory in Maine for the EPA. Why the EPA would trust such a sensitive job to one lone general practioner who specializes in treating ghetto denizens for rat bites on the whim of a federal flunkie is beyond me, but hey, it was 1979.

So up to Maine we go. There FoxShire (for brevity) run into a dispute between the local Native Americans and the corporate logging company. The company is poisoning the land and the Indians, led by everybody’s favorite Irish-Italian Armand Assante are practicing non-violent protest, even while they’re having chainsaws thrust in their faces.

Foxworth teams up with Assante and gets aggressive about what’s being dumped in the waters of the forest and lo and behold, mercury is showing up in the muck of the bank. And that is creating huge monster fish, crazy ass raccoons and mutant bears. Here's the killer raccoons by the way.

And since Shire’s been eating mercury tainted fish, there may be a mutant baby in the future. That's another movie all together.

Until that happy day, we only have the killer mutant momma bear and a couple of mutant baby bears terrorizing the forest and a Talia Shire that cries and stays silent a lot and while the kills are minimal, the movie makes up for it with hammy acting and out-of-the-ordinary shoddy tech work from the man who made THE TRAIN and THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE. But it contains one of the best kills ever committed to celluloid. So goddamn goofy, I’m going to include it here. It’s a definite spoiler so if you’d rather watch it within the larger context of the film, don’t watch this.

Did you watch it? Was that fucking fantastic?

The movie itself never lives up to the dizzying awfulness of that clip but there’s something here that compels you to watch. Like maybe somewhere this movie is going to gel into something so bad it’s awful but save for the final 10 minutes or so it’s pretty much a bore fest. Yet I can’t recommend it enough. Maybe you had to be on the couch with me.

Or maybe it’s just good old nostalgia.

Alex Chilton (1950-2010)

2010-03-17T19:59:00.000-07:00

Jim Derogatis obit for Alex Chilton.

He was going to be here at SXSW this weekend. This shit is getting too much.

NEVER BACK DOWN (2008)

2010-03-16T16:44:00.000-07:00

Some people just don’t get it. Look at those doofs called “critics” at Rotten Tomatoes who are slagging one of the better popcorn pictures of the past few years.

I fortunately do get it. And it’s good for you that I know what I’m talking about. That I know what I know. That I appreciate a good re-hash as long as it ups the ante on the exploitation it’s exploiting. And NEVER BACK DOWN? Well, it does just that.

Without me, you’d probably just dismiss this well-handled B-movie until it showed up on Spike TV at three in the morning.

Now to be quite honest, it’s not even a re-hash of THE KARATE KID (1984). It shares the same lineage, but really it’s a re-hash of the vastly underrated SHOWDOWN (1993), the Billy Blanks vehicle that starred him as a school janitor teaching a nebbish new student martial arts so he can beat up the kid who’s the school’s martial arts master and get his now ex-girlfriend (an early role for Ben Stiller’s wife, Christine Taylor).

Of course, SHOWDOWN was a direct re-hash of KARATE KID, but the camp humor that abounded throughout made it stand out from the KARATE KID re-hash pack and ultimately surpass the vastly overrated KARATE KID itself. It also helps if you have the late Brion James as an irreverent school principal in your cast. If you haven’t seen SHOWDOWN, get thee to Ebay.

In NEVER BACK DOWN, Jake Taylor (Sean Faris, “One Tree Hill”) is a football player from Iowa with natural American Streetfighting ability who moves to Orlando, FL after the drunk driving death of his father and so his tennis-prodigy little brother can attend some tennis academy. Before you think we may get some tennis circuit hi-jinks ala THE BREAK (1995), the Vincent Van Patten cult classic that was THE KARATE KID of tennis, let it be known that the kid thinks his brother’s fighting is way cooler than tennis, which worries Jake’s bitchy mom (Leslie Hope, “RoboCop: Prime Directives”) because she blames Jake for the father’s death and doesn’t really like him or his fighting. Jake was with his dad the night he died and instead of taking the keys from him, he let Pops drive. Of course, if he didn’t let his dad kill himself, then he’d have no fuel to fight and NEVER BACK DOWN would be without its driving catalyst.

Now the second driving catalyst is high school rich boy/master of mixed martial arts is Ryan McCarthy (Cam Gigandet, WHO”S YOUR CADDY?) who beats Jake’s ass in a fight at a party. McCarthy’s girl, Baja (Amber Heard, ALPHA DOG), sets Jake up by inviting him to his own ass-kicking, but really, she just wants to Greco-Roman wrestle with the new guy. Jake’s new buddy, Max (Evan Peters, “Invasion”), convinces Jake that his natural American Streetfighting ability would gel well with mixed martial arts and therefore he takes up the ass-kicking business by training with Senegal-by-way-of-Brazil Jean Roqua (Djimon Hounsou, DEEP RISING), a mixed martial arts trainer whose got some of his own demons to fight and therefore ended up near Disney World.

At the end of NEVER BACK DOWN, there’s a big tournament and a happy ending. Which I knew was going to happen. You know it’s going to happen. It’s supposed to happen. In this post-post-irony period, if he didn’t win, it would look cliché.

What works best about NEVER BACK DOWN is that it succeeds greatly in giving the intended action audience what it wants. Many films nowadays (let’s say for example, the GONE IN 60 SECONDS remake) promise a decent enough trailer and the end result when all put together is stupendously boring and contemptuous of its demographic. Not the case here.

Every cliché is lovingly rendered for the 21st Century, every punch and crunch professionally sound designed for maximum cringe-inducing effect and every ass-kicking expertly staged by fight choreographers Damon Caro (DAWN OF THE DEAD remake) and Jonathan Eusebio (MAX HAVOC:CURSE OF THE DRAGON). Mucho kudos to director Jeff Wadlow (CRY WOLF) who took this son-of-a-bitch seriously; his attention to detail shows in the final product. Hell, he even rips off the x-ray bit from Chiba’s original STREETFIGHTER (1975) so you know he’s done his genre homework.

Let’s also give it up to writer Chris Hauty, whose only other IMDB credit was writing Disney’s HOMEWARD BOUND II. Was it desperation that led him to pitch KARATE KID meets UFC in Walt’s backyard? Whatever it was, bully for him, putting the pieces together where they need be (although, Chris, you know this shit is SHOWDOWN. You can’t fool me.)

One of the most important technical parts of NEVER BACK DOWN is that logic is never even hinted at. Genre movies lately try to inject logic in what is essentially an illogical universe, i.e. the movies.

At this new school in Orlando, EVERYBODY is all about mixed martial arts, kind of like Vince Lombardi High, where EVERYBODY was all about the Ramones, a world that only exists in the movies, which is what I want when I go to the movies.

There’s no cops, no punishment for those involved in illegal fighting or uploading teen fighting videos on the Internet and no monitoring of any of the kid’s activities in any way shape or form. These people don’t really exist so their world doesn’t exist thus making it an extremely fragile netherworld whose only enemy is any semblance of logic, which at that point would disrupt its universe like bad kryptonite and render NEVER BACK DOWN unforgivably pointless.

Needless to say, a cinematic experience like this is extremely rare and deserves your attention.

But NEVER BACK DOWN really deserves you attention because it’s never boring, consistently brutal and heart-warmingly familiar throughout its whole 110 minute running time. Like RAMBO, it promises what’s in the trailer. Unlike RAMBO, it doesn’t give you more. But for a SHOWDOWN rip-off, you don’t expect it to.

STREETFIGHTER x-ray pic co-opted from MOVIE FEAST.

ROCK 'N ROLL HIGH SCHOOL pic punked from Theme Park Radio Blog.

DEAD SNOW (2009)

2010-03-11T20:19:00.000-08:00

"Have you seen that new Nazi Zombie movie called DEAD SNOW?"

"There’s only one definitive Nazi Zombie film and that’d be SHOCK WAVES(1977)."

That’d also be a big resounding yes in being biased because it was shot in Florida by Ken (KING FRAT) Weiderhorn. That said, I’m all for another entry in the Nazi zombie sweepstakes because other than SHOCK WAVES, there aren’t many and the ones that are out there, like Rollin’s ZOMBIE LAKE aren’t so hot. So when I heard about DEAD SNOW, I was more than willing to give it a try and I did.

And SHOCK WAVES is still the undisputed king of Nazi Zombie movies.

A gaggle of Norwegian med students and their girlfriends take a holiday to a snow covered mountain cabin to unwind. Then the Nazi Zombies show up looking for their treasure. That’s pretty much the jist but it’s told so horribly that by the end I was spouting much cooler sub-plots for DEAD SNOW to my unimpressed girlfriend that somehow escaped writer/director Tommy Wirkola and co-writer/actor Stig Frode Hendrikson.

Was a working script somehow a liability on the set? Nothing makes much sense past the cliché “It’s spring break! Let’s go on a vacation and get killed!” grouping of young people. Why are certain characters even there and what’s their motivation? Why has no one seen this plethora of Nazi zombies in the years they’ve been around? Matter of fact, where’s the fucking town that’s mentioned in the movie?

There’s some good old school FX and way too much CGI blood spurts. It’s in serious need of a Nazi hunter. It’s better than ZOMBIE LAKE. It could use a town full of locals to add a bit of production value to it. It needs to be jacked up and have a whole ‘nother Nazi Zombie movie slid under it.

When it pops up on IFC, who also released it here in America, you might enjoy it better. Paying for it is way too much to ask.

OVER THE TOP (1987)

2010-03-08T18:00:00.000-08:00

So Stallone drives up to his estranged son’s military school graduation in a beat-up semi, bearing documents that prove his paternity and a desire to make up for not being around the kid’s whole life. The kid wants none of it. I wouldn’t either, because Stallone is fucking insane. How else would you characterize a guy who’d drive his 18-wheeler through a rich guy’s iron gate, over his beautiful fountain and straight through the front door, all for the love of a kid he met two days ago? If I was the kid, I’d run. But then if my dad was trying to become the world champion of arm wresting, I’d give him another shot.

OVER THE TOP stars Stallone as Lincoln Hawk, ne’er do well trucker and part time arm wrestling hustler, whose ex-wife (Susan Blakely) is dying of cancer. At her behest, he agrees to make peace with their son and drive him to see her in California, over the objections of her rich father (Robert Loggia). Along the way to California, the kid runs into traffic, sleeps in trucks by the side of the road, arm wrestles 12-year-old truck stop trash and generally learns how to be an all around lout like his crazy father.

Stallone’s big dream is to win the arm wrestling championship in Las Vegas, the prize being a shiny new truck, which he’ll use to start a business that lets him and his son ride around America being louts together. The boy’s rich grandfather has other plans, like proper schooling, proper food, college in the near future. Ideas Stallone’s character would arm wrestle to the ground.

So the mom dies, the kid runs back to grandpa, then Stallone drives his truck through the house, gets sent to jail, signs over the kid to grandpa then goes to Vegas. He sells his truck and bets all the money on himself, then has to beat ‘Bull’ Hurley (Rick Zumwalt), arm wrestling champion from Jacksonville, FL who hates Stallone with a passion. The kid changes his mind after finding letters from Stallone his mom hid from him, steals a pick-up, somehow gets on a commercial flight to Vegas with no one asking questions and shows up in enough time to give Stallone roughly the same speech Talia Shire gave him on the beach in ROCKY III.

The best part is the guy in the arm wrestling championship who drinks motor oil to Psyche up. The worst part could be Kenny Loggins warbling “Meet Me Half Way Across The Sky” the whole goddamn movie.

This Cannon Production had a lot of press, a lot of toy marketing and no audience. The script is downright horrible, credited to Stallone and Stirling Silliphant (writer of THE ENFORCER (1976) and SHAFT IN AFRICA (1973)), but to be honest you can’t produce a decent bowel movement without the proper food. How anyone thought this story would make a decent film is beyond me.

Nice to see the late Rick Zumwalt (actual five time arm wrestling champ) here, who was in three films for Cannon in 1987 including this crap, the Fat Boys’ DISORDERLIES and Jamaa “Let’s put a crack-smoking midget wrestler in there” Fanaka’s immortal PENITENTIARY III. If you’ve never seen PENITENTIARY III, kill somebody for the chance.

Rick Zumwalt pic lovingly swiped from armwrestling.com

TUFF TURF (1985)

2010-03-08T06:52:00.000-08:00

It’s been a long time since my eyes have graced the 1985 New World Pictures release, TUFF TURF. You know the one. Jimmy Spader as the ultra-cool Connecticut transplant slumming it up in an L.A. high school, running afoul of Nick (Paul Mones, STREETS OF FIRE), trying to get busy with Frankie (Kim Richards, the WITCH MOUNTAIN series) and hanging out with Jimmy (Robert Downey Jr., THE PICK UP ARTIST), who just happens to play drums for Jim Carroll (musician and author of BASKETBALL DIARIES) even though he’s in high school.

Spader’s character, Morgan, has just moved to L.A. with his Mom (Claudette Nevins, 1961’s THE MASK) and Dad (Matt Clark, WHITE LIGHTNING). Dad apparently was a real estate agent who lost his business and Mom doesn’t seem to be adjusting to the move too well, not to mention she doesn’t approve of Morgan’s tendency to cause trouble where ever he goes and the fact he gets kicked out of prep schools a lot.

Why these people had to leave Connecticut for L.A. so Dad can drive a cab in the shitty parts of town while trying to get his California real estate agent’s license is never really explained. But then again, TUFF TURF didn’t win the 1985 Oscar for best original screenplay.

At his new public high school, Morgan gets the hots for Frankie, who happens to be the girlfriend of gang leader Nick, who heads a local group of ruffians called the Tuffs.

Hence, TUFF TURF.

Obviously, this causes a lot of trouble for everybody involved, culminating in a warehouse showdown and a big musical ending. Not to mention a few musical interludes along the way.

Matter of fact, I never remembered TUFF TURF being a fucking musical.

What TUFF TURF really is, is THE POM POM GIRLS meets THE BLACKBOARD JUNGLE, except nobody’s black and Jennifer Ashley isn’t in it.

TUFF TURF reminds me so much of the Crown International teen flicks of the 70’s, like the aforementioned POM POM GIRLS. In Crown International flicks, teenagers do whatever they want and they were like travelogues of things to do when you’re a teenager. You drive around Beverly Hills and look at houses for a long time. You crash country clubs. You dance badly at concerts in warehouses. You do very visual things only teenagers would do in movies, if only to make it look like there was more money involved in the production and to pad out the running time to feature length.

And every so often, bad, violent things happen. And you throw Kim Richard’s titty in there too (however, it was a body double, but hey, titty’s titty). And you make it all look like an 80’s music video, which in the 80’s, people did.

Suffice to say, I really enjoyed this goofy ass movie.

It’s main fault is that it never knows what the hell it wants to be. A musical? A gang pic? An after school special? Yet 23 years later, that’s what makes it unique. It’s a throw-shit-and-see-if-it-sticks pastiche of teen movie clichés wrapped up in Madonnaville.

The acting is spot-on all the way around and the kinetic energy the film spits out keeps you watching. Director Fritz Kirsch (CHILDREN OF THE CORN) gets the most out of his limited budget and limited script.

Anchor Bay put this out widescreen a few years back but I watched it on a 50 cent video I picked up at the flea market. Shot open matte, everything is framed perfect for a satisfying full screen experience, and you get to see the crew members hand trying to steady a swinging rope after the climatic fight scene. Won’t get to see that in a spiffed up DVD.

Maybe I’m just nostalgic or extremely bored, but I have to recommend TUFF TURF, especially if you haven‘t seen it in a long time.

Charles B. Pierce (1938-2010)

2010-03-07T07:46:00.000-08:00

Charles B. Pierce has passed. Another legend gone.

Charles B. Pierce AP obit.

SQUEEZE PLAY (1979)

2010-03-05T20:04:00.000-08:00

SQUEEZE PLAY may be the best ladies softball film ever made. And it holds the distinct honor of being the only movie where a softball gets batted into a guy's ass.

I think it also has the distinct honor of being the only movie where all the main characters work at a mattress plant.

Samantha seems to hate softball, only if because it keeps her fiancé Wes from spending time with her. After making him promise to give up softball, Wes reneges after a winning season, so Samantha, just to be bitchy, comes up with the idea that he should put a woman on the team. Mary Lou, a Georgia Peach with the worst southern accent ever, is on the run from her father (because he thinks she's a lesbian, I'm not really sure) and just happens to be a world-class pitcher. After Mary Lou's disastrous try-out, the girls at the mattress plant start their own team, challenging the men to a battle of the sexes in the climatic game.

Of course, they all have to enter the wet T-shirt contest beforehand.

The horrible jokes and sight gags come fast and furious and the more they miss, the more fun the movie becomes. You can't help but love a film that ends a scene with someone off screen yelling, "fuck".

I have to use that old cliché: they don't make them like this anymore. There's barely a plot, it's strung together with various low jinks and Lloyd Kaufman never misses an opportunity to ogle some tit.

It also makes me wonder what the hell happened to Troma and Lloyd Kaufman.

My buddy,Murphy, put it best when he said that recent Troma films started sucking because they began pandering to their demographic. I've found recent in-house Troma productions somewhat funny, but when they start veering off into self-referential shtick, I'm reminded why their early films like SQUEEZE PLAY work so well; they're real comedies with likeable characters, not commercials for Toxie and Sgt. Kabukiman with a few forced laughs thrown in.

SQUEEZE PLAY presents good-natured buffoons having good-natured raunchy fun in what feels like a real world situation, albeit skewed with patented wacky Troma humor.

The new stuff is mean-spirited not to mention they come off as parodies of a Troma film. What happened to the Troma where everybody was invited to the party instead of the hardcore fans? I've never been partial to cliques and I think that's the reason why I find the new stuff rather lacking.--5/22/07

"Too disgusting to watch! Too bizarre to resist!"

2010-03-02T23:22:00.000-08:00

BAD BIOLOGY (2008)

2010-03-02T22:36:00.000-08:00

I seriously have no idea what to say about Frank Henenlotter’s latest film. I almost find myself not wanting to write about it. But this is Serious Exploitation. And Frank Henenlotter is a living exploitation legend. But BAD BIOLOGY? Jesus Christ, what a fucking bore.

There’s nothing to recommend here whatsoever. Matter of fact, it’s as if Henenlotter has spent the last 16 to 17 years figuring out that what he really needs to make is a Troma film. And folks, I’ll be the first to tell you that I’m not a Troma fan, especially Troma of late, but in their defense, at least they keep things lively.

The acting’s awful but I’ve come to expect that from Henenlotter’s films. They kind of operate in their own universe and the poor, hammy acting is usually a plus. Henenlotter’s technique is rather wooden which kind of apes the Something Weird 60’s style roughies he’s fond of. But here, I don’t know this Henenlotter because BIOLOGY is neither fun nor interesting. I didn’t care one iota about anything that was happening on my TV. I don’t know if co-writer/producer R.A. The Rugged Man has anything to do with this downturn in Henenlotter’s loopy yet entertaining microcosm but he gets some of the blame too.

The whole damn thing suffers from a complete lack of purpose. I wasn’t offended, titillated, shocked or entertained. There seems no reason for it to exist other than somebody wanted to join images together and call it a feature. With BAD BIOLOGY, Henenlotter has made his first forgettable movie. Now that offends me.

GIVE 'EM HELL MALONE (2009)

2010-03-02T22:17:00.000-08:00

GIVE ‘EM HELL MALONE isn’t particularly original but boasts an incredibly violent blood-spurting beginning as well as a few memorable characters that make up for its unwarranted modern look and overwrought dialogue. It’s well worth watching on a lazy Saturday afternoon.

But what makes GIVE ‘EM HELL MALONE interesting is its anti-anti-hero dénouement. As any genre aficionado would attest, we love our hard-drinking, amoral gumshoes that have a head full of demons that spill out in wanton homicide over the course of 90 minutes. The interesting thing about MALONE is that the ending proves no reason for any of it. Malone (Thomas Jane) is a victim of his heroes and the culture he fetishizes. It’s something anyone who’s overly passionate about film, music and comics can attest too.

Whether our heroes are Peckinpah, Westerberg or Rip Torn, there are some of us who look for an excuse to mix our talent with questionable living. Most of the time, it doesn’t end well or maybe we keep pushing the envelope for fear of losing our edge or what we consider our own unique voice. When I think of quitting smoking, I’m scared. I always think of an interview with Leonard Cohen when he worried that he would lose his singing voice if he quit smoking which wasn’t the case. In MALONE, Thomas Jane plays a man so lost in his heroes he ruins his life to be more in line with the film-noir, pulp paperback characters he idolizes. The lie is more important. Just like Peckinpah, just like gangster rap, just like live-fast die-young, rock and roll lifestyle.

Cocaine is a hell of drug, but in GIVE ‘EM HELL, so are the caricatures of hardboiled movie detectives. Malone's lost his humanity to the lie of Hollywood. There are not many movies that make that delineation.

SILENT SCREAM (1980)

2010-02-17T14:50:00.000-08:00

Hailing from what some of us younger folk refer to as the Golden Age of Horror, SILENT SCREAM was one of the multitude of horror entries that invaded theatres in that lovely year of 1980.

Just think, the year that gave us MANIAC, FRIDAY THE 13^th, HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP, WITHOUT WARNING, ALLIGATOR. The list is pretty long and those are just a few of the good ones.

And then there's SILENT SCREAM...

Four college students take up residence in a spooky old house that hasn’t been vetted by the local university as being habitable or safe. But the university has no problem pointing those kids in the direction of that house. Things were different then. Today, you’d get sued for such a thing, pointing kids to their death. Nobody takes responsibility for their own actions anymore.

I also long for the day when you could rent a room in a big house for $75 a month and complain that it’s too much just like Scotty (Rebecca Balding, THE BOOGENS) does. So she takes the smaller one for $50 a month. Back then, you knew if you took a $50 a month room in a spooky old house rented to you by a creepy teen nebbish named Mason (Brad Reardon) and his equally creepy mother (Yvonne DeCarlo, “The Munsters”), there was a territory that it’d come with. Kids today, they’d just leave like the pussies they are.

I’m getting off track here and I apologize. To a certain degree, I was enjoying SILENT SCREAM until I realized that I was 48 minutes into this movie and there’s only been one murder. It wasn’t particularly graphic or shocking. The character that died I could give a shit about. And it takes almost another 20 minutes after that for SILENT SCREAM to barely kick into third gear. The movie is mercifully about 84 minutes without credits.

The real problem with SILENT SCREAM? It’s pretty boring.

Its tech credits are excellent. For a low-budget horror movie from 1980, it’s a pleasure to look at. The music is ominous and well-executed. The acting is a little sub-par but you can forgive it. The character actors on display here (DeCarlo, Cameron Mitchell and Avery Schrieber) are underused. Greydon Clark alumnus Reardon (THE RETURN, HI-RIDERS) and the always stunning Barbara Steele (BLACK SUNDAY, PIRANHA) are the only shining lights.

Really, it ain't bad by a long shot. It’s just not interesting, especially when you consider the controversial bloodletting that was unspooling across the nation’s screens that year. It’s quaint. But a dull quaint. Like TWO murders in over an hour quaint and that’s pretty damn quaint.

I remember seeing SILENT SCREAM years ago on TV and not liking it. This Scorpion Releasing DVD does nothing to change that opinion other than to admire the technical craft on display. The print is fantastic and the sound even better. The extras featuring Ken and Jim Wheat and Rebecca Balding are informative. Seems SILENT SCREAM was a troubled production that the Wheat Brothers (PITCH BLACK, AFTER MIDNIGHT) kind of rescued. Kind of because for all their input into the finished product it’s still a snoozer. Hard to believe it was rated R save for the one Rebecca Balding tit during a tame sex scene.

Is SILENT SCREAM worth your time? It is if you’re trying to watch every horror release from the 80’s. But be forewarned…it’s more of a thriller than a horror show. Whenever you introduce a gun as a murder weapon in what you’re trying to pass off as a horror film, it immediately becomes a thriller. That’s just a fact of life.

HELLGATE (1989)

2010-02-17T10:01:00.000-08:00

What a difference 20 years makes for some films. Unfortunately, this is not one of them.

Directed by schlockmeister William A. Levey (BLACKENSTEIN, THE HAPPY HOOKER GOES TO HOLLYWOOD), HELLGATE is as awful as they come. Throughout much of it’s running time, HELLGATE manages to stupefy its viewer with the worst acting, worst special effects, the worst sex scene in film history and manages to spoil a blood-gushing beheading that proves bad filmmaking can’t be taught but is ingrained into one’s DNA.

Taking the dead girl hitchhiker legend, mixing it with a sad-looking biker gang and adding a ghost town amusement park as your set sounds like it could be a fun mash-up. However, when you make WELCOME BACK KOTTER’s Ron Palillo as your dashing leading man, all bets are off. For example, I don’t want to call anyone unattractive but when the worst sex scene in history came on as I was dozing off, I thought it was a guy banging another guy (played by Joanne Warde as Bobby (!) and Evan J. Klisser as Chuck). This provided more of a shock, albeit momentarily, than this rest of this goddamned thing could muster up in any of it’s other scenes.

Palillo plays the guy in the 80’s who nearly runs over the dead hitchhiker (Abigail Wolcott) who was killed by the world’s shittiest biker gang back in the late 50’s. Nothing about these guys seems like the late 50’s. Her grief stricken father who runs the ghost town amusement park receives a crystal from a maintenance man who found it in one of the attractions. It seems to shoot out a terrible blue laser that reanimates the dead and blows shit up, depending I guess on how the grief stricken father feels at the moment. Cut back to 1989 when Horshack is driving to meet his girlfriend (Petrea Curran) and the worst sex scene couple at their vacation house. He picks up the hitchhiker who immediately finds him to be her knight in shining convertible and will use her undead crystal given powers to woo him back to the house and join her in undead love forever.

The rest of the movie involves a terrible diner set that can’t even get the 80’s right. Then there’s the lone biker who survived the grief stricken father’s revenge who grunts loudly and smashes windows and sharpens axes and knives only to show up at the end after you forgot about him and immediately gets zapped by the dad and the crystal. There’s also other women who find Palillo irresistible in his Chess King collection. I don’t even dare go into the lapses in character continuity and general logic that make you want to get an IQ test as quick as possible if only to make sure you haven’t been literally dumbed down by this criminal head-thumper.

I’ve noticed I’ve not made mention of the actual script. I’m trying not to. In a way, HELLGATE deserves to be seen if only to peep upon the worst dialogue ever to spill out of an actor’s mouth. Seriously, people say shit in this movie to pad the running time. There’s no other reason to repeat the same unfunny jokes as Levey has his actors do.

Apparently Palillo was to Levey what Kinski was to Herzog given that this was his third go around with the director. Together they did SKATETOWN USA (1979), COMMITTED (1988) and HELLGATE. Levey directed nothing else after this. His last known credit according to IMDB was on an E! True Hollywood Story on Joey Heatherton in 2001. Wolcott is an ex-model turned cosmetics manufacturer married to Quest Restaurant Executive Chef Tom Valenti. This whole sordid affair was filmed in South Africa. It is no KILL AND KILL AGAIN (1981) and suffers from a serious lack of Ken Gampu.

Had this not been double featured on the Anchor Bay release of THE PIT (1981), I’d have never watched it again. The transfer for it is quite good. How Anchor Bay decided to pair the two up, I’ve no idea and I have to say, there’s that movie nerd fan inside of me that’s glad somebody took the time to put this out and give it the best treatment it possibly deserved. That said, HELLGATE is a stinker of the highest order.

Here's the ending from YouTube. Everything you need to know is right here. Pay special attention to the grief stricken father on top of the car once he's thrown off into the building. That's HELLGATE in a nutshell.

Good luck. You'll need it.

HELLGATE cover photo nicked from www.narnarland.com

AMC MIDNIGHT MOVIE EXPRESS trailers by Frank Cappello, made in Florida.

2010-02-16T15:30:00.000-08:00

Article by John Marlowe for The Miami News, 9/14/84

FIREFOX. At midnight. Believe.

2010-02-16T15:10:00.000-08:00

Poggiali solves SPLIT SECOND SMOKEY stumper!

2010-02-03T21:08:00.000-08:00

TEMPLE OF SCHLOCK's Chris Poggiali comes through again! It's DOUBLE NICKELS (1977)! Click on the link below to read all about it.

Mystery Movie: SPLIT-SECOND SMOKEY

A big, big thank you to Chris. I was a little down not being able to make it to the Alamo's showing of BLACK CAESAR this evening and you made my night!

THE PIT (1981)

2010-02-02T20:55:00.000-08:00

A Canadian film shot in Wisconsin, THE PIT centers around the pre-teen exploits of Jamie Benjamin, who may be autistic but seems more like a bullied introverted pervert than a child suffering a neurodevelopment disorder. Jamie likes naked women and peeping. He talks to his teddy bear, Teddy, who tells him to feed not nice people to the furry little monsters that inhabit a pit out in the woods by a field. He has a hot baby-sitter/nanny hired by his parents because they’re going to Seattle to set things up for their impending move. She bears the brunt of his sickness for most of the running time until Jamie decides to quit feeding people to the “tra-la-logs” and helps them escape. Then THE PIT turns into somewhat of a slasher film for 15 minutes or so before the whole thing ends rather stupidly.

THE PIT boasts excellent filmmaking chops and is heads above most films of its time period. The acting ranges from amateurish to competent and the gore is almost nil but somehow there’s a loopy charm to this low-budget shocker stemming from promises unfulfilled. There’s obviously more going on than what made it to the screen which makes the film seem as if it was heavily edited. However, various internet sources that include an interview with the film’s writer, Ian Stuart, claim that director Lew Lehman eschewed the more dark and controversial issues contained in the script for a more commercial tits and horror combination popular at the time. That said Lehman seems to have shot some of those darker moments from Stuart’s original script as the dialogue sets up scenes, character motivation and drama that never comes.

Anchor Bay’s 2004 DVD release of the film (paired with the mind-numbing 1989 William Levy helmed HELLGATE) returns THE PIT to widescreen glory and showcases the talent behind the camera. The print used is near flawless to my undiscriminating eyes thus making THE PIT even more of a guilty pleasure.

It won’t change your life but THE PIT is a strange and effective time-killer that wouldn’t be a waste of space in your Netflix queue.

INTERVIEW WITH WRITER IAN STUART AT BADMOVIES.ORG.

REVIEW OF "THE PIT" AT CANUXPLOITATION.

THE PIT IMDB ENTRY HERE.

"PIT" STAR SAMMY SNYDERS DOING WHAT HE DOES TODAY.

DON'T BLEED ON ME one sheet discovered so what the hell is SPLIT SECOND SMOKEY?

2010-02-02T15:46:00.000-08:00

Lurking over at AV MANIACS, I found a thread started by Matthew Allison asking about DON'T BLEED ON ME, which was accompanied by a photo for the film's one-sheet that came from a recent auction on eBay. As Chris Poggiali pointed out in a follow up post on the thread, I had asked before on AV Maniacs if anybody had seen it (and with Chris not having seen it or heard of it, I knew it was pretty obscure).

Now since it really does exist and wasn't a newspaper typo, the plot thickens. How do we find the movie? And will it live up to it's title?

My newest dilemma is what the hell is SPLIT SECOND SMOKEY? I was going through old Miami News movie times from 1978 and came across the title. A Google search turns up a BOXOFFICE magazine (see page 94) from 1978 that announces it's showing in Atlanta in a couple theaters paired with Halicki's GONE IN 60 SECONDS. Could it be a re-title of SMOKEY AND THE GOODTIME OUTLAWS (aka JD AND THE SALT FLAT KID)? Something to do with GREAT SMOKEY ROADBLOCK? Could be an early cut of the POLK COUNTY POT PLANE (aka IN HOT PURSUIT)? Or is it some lost regional drive-in masterpiece?

I've asked my buddy Murphy to hit the microfilm in Hotlanta for some answers and he better come through.

UPDATE-Just found listing for SPLIT SECOND SMOKEY from a 1980 Miami News movie time clock at the Cameo Theatre.

EUROCRIME! The Italian Cop and Gangster Films that Ruled the 70's

2010-01-27T00:25:00.000-08:00

If you haven't seen this yet, here you go. I've been meaning to put this up.

Mike Malloy is a good egg and he knows his shit. I can't wait to see this.

Keep up with Mike and EUROCRIME! here.

How DAY OF THE ANIMALS got me off on a unfocused rant.

2010-01-26T22:54:00.000-08:00

One of the main selling points of moving to Austin besides finishing up my education (and most importantly, my wonderful girlfriend, in case she reads this) was the prospect of spending as much time as possible at the Alamo Drafthouse. Unfortunately, due to a long string of financial issues incured by the move, I really haven't been able to do so. Hell, I haven't been able to even go to a regular first-run movie hardly. Luckily with I Luv Video and Vulcan Video in town, my needs are filled but they run second to the regular 35mm experiences enjoyed downtown on 6th Street at the Alamo Ritz.

With a little money in my pocket from a side gig obtained on craigslist, I was able to venture out this evening and catch a showing of William Girdler's 1977 classic, DAY OF THE ANIMALS.

DAY OF THE ANIMALS has always been one of my favorite films from my youth. My memories of it stem from constant play on TBS, usually preceded by GRIZZLY. Your own William Girdler double feature on cable. Shit, the best TBS can do now is run episodes of THE OFFICE or LAW AND ORDER. Fuck that, where's my yearly showing of THE MYSTERIOUS MONSTERS, Ted Turner?

I digress. As I usually do.

DAY OF THE ANIMALS was Girdler's follow-up to the equally as classic GRIZZLY from the previous year and released by notorious exploitation stalwart Edward Montoro's Film Ventures International. It was great seeing the old Peach and Director's Chair Logo before the film.

The print shown was the SOMETHING IS OUT THERE re-release and I have to say, it's still highly entertaining to a sold out audience after all these years. Some laugh at the script, some laugh at the clothes, some laugh at Leslie Nielsen freaking the fuck out and calling a kid cockroach and wrestling a bear. Either way, this nearly 35 year old film still entertains unlike most newer cinematic offerings today.

Now this said, it pains me constantly to scan the movie times and realize there isn't anything I want to see much less a genre piece us Americans used to do so well. THE WOLFMAN? Hell no. Really, does that look good to anybody? DAYBREAKERS? It doesn't even look fun. Neither does that LEGION. And I think that's where the problem lies. Movies aren't fun anymore.

That's what I loved about THE HANGOVER so much. I wasn't expecting much from Todd Phillips. Honestly, OLD SCHOOL isn't that funny. It has some funny parts but pretty much eh. ROAD TRIP is quite the stinker.

But after seeing THE HANGOVER late in it's run at the theater and laughing as hard as I did, I could see why it did so well. It's actually fun.

How is it fun? The characters are not complete cliched assholes you could care less about. They actually have charisma and humanity and work well together as actors. They seem to have stuck to the script unlike most Will Ferrell comedies which means the script was pretty goddamn good to begin with. Another part of THE HANGOVER and one of it's most important components was that you never knew what was going to come next. That's pretty good for any movie in this day and age. It was almost, dare I say, somewhat original?

That said, it was patently adult. It was about adults. Not unlike one of last year's sleepers TAKEN, which I caught up with on cable earlier in the month. What a fun, action packed, not a lot of CGI blast with excellent acting that didn't insult your intelligence.

Both these films made a shit-ton of money so you have to ask Hollywood, why are you not taking more chances on original genre material? They get called out all the time in the media for being out of step socially and politically with America, but when you're out of step with what brung ya, well...maybe we should hold elections for those that greenlight some of the garbage that clogs up the movie theater screens and makes me walk out of a video store like I did on Saturday night because everything new looked like a piece of boring shit. Even my girl, who is in no way rabid about cinema said it before I could say it. There's nothing out to watch.

And that's what makes discovering old movies or watching old movies more entertaining and increasingly vital. I pine for a time when this medium was as entertaining. I didn't feel patronized or talked down to. If I wanted to watch someone play a video game, I'd go to Aladdin's Castle or play Nintendo. I want to like movies again.

And where are my new Christopher Georges or Leslie Nielsens or Richard Jaeckels? Where are my William Girdlers who make horror films or action films and they not either be fan-boy in-joke fests or CGI nightmares that really give new meaning to "there's no way that could happen".

In DAY OF THE ANIMALS, there's a horrible rear projection moment that caused everybody to laugh. Was it bad? Hell yeah, it was bad. But it seemed more real to me than any AVATAR or LORD OF THE RINGS universe. Why? I don't know if I can really put it into words other than I appreciate the the time somebody took to make all that happen with manual equipment as well as having to go outside and actually film real shit with real people both in front and behind the camera to make it happen. Some chick or dude clicking a mouse around and adding 3,000 Romans to a gladiator scene doesn't work for me. It's not very creative and it definitely didn't happen. They didn't even try to make it happen.

I need somebody to change the camera angles and drive the car the other way, like DEATH RACE 2000.

But anyway, DAY OF THE ANIMALS, a fucking classic, thumbs up, 4 stars and Andrew Stevens, fresh off of MASSACRE AT CENTRAL HIGH gets impaled.

What more could you ask for in life?

Andrew Stevens photo jacked from Yahoo. Photo by Steve Granitz.

Texas Theater-2222-A Guadalupe

2010-01-14T16:24:00.000-08:00

1984 picture @ American Classic Images

Drove past this old theater today off Guadalupe. Nice that it was a porn theater once next to a business called FOOT ACTION.

Today it's a CVS.

Jay Reatard

2010-01-13T21:11:00.000-08:00

Photo by Tom Oxley @ www.tomoxley.co.uk

It's hard to believe that Jay Reatard is dead. But then again, it's not.

Reatard was a volatile rock and roll champion who getting into fights with the audience was part of the show. Most recently here in Austin, two kids jumped on stage to fight him. The show was a little over 25 minutes. I didn't go. I was broke. I was hoping to see him next time.

Reatard's earlier stuff didn't wow me. It's kind of pretentious in it's punk/garage posturing and artlessness. But man, did that kid ever grow. His most recent outings were incredibly melodic and raging full-on, the kind of noisy pop songs you wish you could write but alas can't.

It also reminded me of how I take things for granted. If you're wanting to do something but come up with a reason for why you can't, do it anyways. I could have went to that show. I was broke, but I still could've gone. I'd see him someday. I was being responsible.

Like Creedence says, someday never comes.

Sleep well, Jay.

Waiting For Something - a short documentary about Jay Reatard

While this is no official video, it is my favorite Reatard song.

Jay Reatard MySpace Music Videos

The newest video and a hell of a song.

This ain't about the Sunshine State no more.

2009-11-21T02:39:00.000-08:00

Holy shit. We are no longer Florida-based. I live in Austin, TX. How I got here? The most beautiful woman in the world. The easy part? It's Austin, TX. Hell of a movie town. But you already knew that.

Most important is that my friend Jimmy Bickert has renewed his Women In Prison website/encyclopedia. When I first met Jimmy in the early naughts, it was in full swing. He let it go by the wayside (not like my retardedness but for actual adult reasons like career and family) but has recently come back with a vengeance. You meet people in your life who know their shit but rarely do you meet people who apply it with such dedication and talent. Jimmy is that guy.

If you haven't been hip to his resurgence in the WIP genre, please feast your eyes on his return to form. For me, it's equal parts happiness that his unique vision and knowledge is being put to good use and good-natured jealously that someone can actually have this much knowledge and talent.

Personally knowing Jimmy Bickert has made me a better person and a firm believer that sometimes life IS a total blast. I hope you enjoy his important piece of the world wide web.

BIG BUST OUT.

Robert Ginty. 1948-2009

2009-09-22T00:24:00.001-07:00

VARIETY article on the passing of Robert Ginty.

Ginty's defining cinematic role, THE EXTERMINATOR, was a cable cult classic for me and one of the films that anybody could put on and I'd sit down and watch the whole thing.

His was a varied and interesting career. The streets are less safe without him.

Robert Ginty @ IMDB

Oh, and this because I missed it last week.

2009-05-24T00:39:00.001-07:00

Poggiali is one of my heroes. I'm fighting for a library science degree. Which means he joins the ranks of Westerberg, Peckinpah, Oates and Stanhope.

Always have heroes.

Hope this isn't creepy, Chris. I really do mean it.

I'm Sorry.

2009-05-24T00:17:00.001-07:00

I so want to do movie related things and sometimes I get that weird buzz to do them. Then I get all fucked and A.D.D.. Like right now. Music has so taken over my life as well as my band. Here's my movie poster from a movie poster generator.

The last four movies I watched were:

PRINCE OF THE CITY

THE BIG BUS

JOHNNY HANDSOME

BLAST OF SILENCE

My heart's in the right place.

LAST OF THE FINEST

I'll be back.

Why I Love The Internet.

2009-05-16T00:14:00.001-07:00

PM Entertainment Car Chases. One after another. Just click below.

Let's all thank thenormal over at YouTube.

Alex Rocco's son, Marco, found dead.

2009-05-15T19:13:00.000-07:00

Marc Rocco directed DREAM A LITTLE DREAM and the underrated MURDER IN THE FIRST.

He's also listed on IMDB as being in father Alex's 1971 Crown International biker pic, WILD RIDERS.

No cause of death given.

Marc Rocco found dead.

SERIOUS EXPLOITATION APPROVED SONG OF THE WEEK-5/14/09

2009-05-14T02:19:00.000-07:00

While I'm working on this stupid little piece about young people in the movies and how I can't relate anymore because they look TOO young, enjoy the SERIOUS EXPLOITATION APPROVED SONG OF THE WEEK. You're gonna have to go off this page though.

This is Something Fierce, a band from Houston, TX. I don't know what's going on in Texas, but they're putting out some kick-ass rock and roll. I mean, they always have, but with Denton's kind of defunct Marked Men and these guys (and gal), they've got the lock on run around the room and break something rock and roll. The song you need to listen to is TEENAGE RUINS. Click the link below and listen to one of the best songs I've ever heard. I can't stop listening to it. It makes life better, guaranteed.

SOMETHING FIERCE/MYSPACE/CLICK ON "TEENAGE RUINS"

SOMETHING FIERCE pic swiped from HOUSTON PRESS.

GIVE 'EM HELL, MALONE. This could be good.

2009-05-10T17:32:00.000-07:00

I mean, I didn't hate the trailer. I kind of enjoyed it. It seems to have more on it's mind than most ensemble action pics of late. That being fun.

SERIOUS EXPLOITATION APPROVED SONG OF THE WEEK-5/7/09

2009-05-07T03:01:00.000-07:00

I was lucky enough to catch these guys in Orlando on Sunday night. A great song from a great album. If you haven't picked up THE '59 SOUND, I highly suggest that you do.

Sign Of The Apocalypse?

2009-05-06T00:45:00.001-07:00

(AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

2009-05-05T11:04:00.000-07:00

McGavin. Michael-Vincent.

2009-05-04T21:21:00.000-07:00

12:30 a.m.

That's about 10 minutes from now. On Fox Movie Channel.

Plan accordingly.

Ain't nobody can retitle and repackage a picture to cash in on a box office hit like Ed Montoro.

2009-05-01T23:48:00.000-07:00

STUNT ROCK retitle & repackaging:

Biscayne Boulevard.

2009-05-01T17:51:00.000-07:00

Bought this old postcard today at an antique store by my house.

BISCAYNE BOULEVARD at Wikipedia.

Movie Theaters that were once on (or right off) Biscayne Blvd.:

BOULEVARD DRIVE-IN

BISCAYNE TWIN

MARINA 8 aka FASHION ISLAND 16

The Day The Music Died.

2009-05-01T01:07:00.000-07:00

How happy I was last week that I found out that on eBay, someone was selling what I assume to be a soundtrack LP of Wildman Steve's THE SIX THOUSAND DOLLAR NIGGER aka SUPER SOUL BROTHER.

How uttery disappointed I was to learn that it's not worth the $30 I bid on it. But now we all officially know that it is worth $80.66. That makes me happy.

Congratulations to the winner. Maybe he or she'll read this and send me a copy. I don't even know what the fuck the music is on it or if it even is music and just some Wildman bits, but I'd would have paid $30 for the privilege to find out.

We do know the track listing:

1) $6000.00 Nigger

2) Two Great Men

3) The Black Lover

4) Kids

5) Secret Agent

6)Petey Wheatstraw

7) Shit Scene

8) Roots

9) Seafood and Juice

10) Watch The Wildman

SERIOUS EXPLOITATION APPROVED SONG OF THE WEEK-4/29/2009

2009-04-29T02:55:00.001-07:00

Being in a band has gotten me back into music in a big way. Up until about 6 or 7 years ago, I kept up with music, both popular and underground and one day, in a disgusted rage, just up and quit rock and roll. Then I moved to Boone, NC and just kind of quit everything for a bit. Call it a personal intervention away from pop culture. I learned to love my record collection at the time more.

But in the past year or so, I've been seeking out more new music. And now being in a band, I'm back on it full bore. Myspace is great for finding new music by a bunch of kids in a basement somewhere in Dubuque, Iowa but also a little disheartening. So much stuff and most of it sucks, a whole generation lost to Hot Topic-approved corporate rock and roll. But there's still some good underground rock and roll out there and oddly enough, some of the bigger names are putting out more vital and exciting music than their younger counterparts.

So now I'm gonna (at least) once a week give you the SERIOUS EXPLOITATION APPROVED SONG OF THE WEEK. And here's the first one:

TINTED WINDOWS-MESSING WITH MY HEAD

TINTED WINDOWS is the power-pop supergroup with Taylor Hanson (Hanson), James Iha(Smashing Pumpkins), Adam Schlesinger (Fountains Of Wayne) and the great Bun E. Carlos (Cheap Trick).

Figures Adam Schlesinger would be spearheading this. I'm a huge Fountains Of Wayne fan, whose last album kind of blew but had a pretty spectacular run of AM-fueled power-pop up to WELCOME INTERSTATE MANAGERS. I always hated Smashing Pumpkins so it's good to see James Iha in a decent band. Taylor Hanson. Well, let's say I wasn't a fan but I appreciated the bubble-gum throwback at the time and the fact they could play their own instruments. Bun E. Carlos? He's the drummer for fucking Cheap Trick, man!

In a perfect world, this song would be blasting out of car speakers on the way to literal and figurative beaches all over the world all summer long. It now has what could possibly be a dubious honor as the inaugural SERIOUS EXPLOITATION APPROVED SONG OF THE WEEK.

So much for a movie blog.

7th Greatest Music Video Ever Made.

2009-04-27T01:10:00.000-07:00

Bonus Michael J. Fox circa 1987 video:

"Hey rats, The film broke!"

2009-04-25T23:00:00.000-07:00

Two things I want to talk about here.

First, the McVickers Theater in Chicago. Check out this picture:

What a great looking place. Even better is this August 2008 entry about the McVickers over at Cinema Treasures by a member named David Zornig:

" I was unfortunately at the McVickers during it's decline. I was the ride to a heavily advertised, short-run showing of "Make Them Die Slowly" in late 1982 or early `83. A campy horror film billed as "Banned In 31 Countries!".

The tag line apparently worked, as the by then decaying structure was clearly overwhelmed by the those who showed up.

The restrooms were located in the basement. Needless to say the archaic plumbing was no longer up to the task of large crowds. As the ensuing flood approached the grand stairwell upwards, management saw fit to only rope off the area, instead of closing and/or causing chaos/losing money.

As with most of the downtown theatres already in decline, rodents could be heard and felt under foot during the feature presentation. So much so that at one of the many points the film stopped, rowdier patrons would yell: "Hey rats, the film broke!", as if the rodents were somehow in charge or running the projector.

It was sad to see the once grand, vintage facade and ornate interior in such disrepair. Running "Make Them Die Slowly" sadly became a fitting end to a glorious theatre history.

As previously documented, the McVickers closed shortly thereafter."

Pure gold. Read more about the McVickers at Cinema Treasures here.

Second thing I want to talk about is where I got that picture from. A place online called American Image Classics.

It's truly one of the greatest things I've found onlne and it's chock full of movie theater pictures from all over America. They'll sell you prints of them too. I've already found a ton of Miami theaters I'd never thought I'd see again as well as pictures of ones I'd only heard about while living in Atlanta. I'm sure you'll find something from your neck of the woods.

Check out American Classic Images here.

Fuck THE WRESTLER (2008).

2009-04-25T12:40:00.000-07:00

A month or so back, I finally caught up with THE WRESTLER when a new all-digital multiplex opened up not far from my neighborhood.

I didn't like it. Had some moments but it was sunk by a horrible script. It's not as good as some have made it out to be. I'm right about this. I am.

Now with it's release on DVD, more and more folks come up to me and ask if I liked THE WRESTLER. In between the time I saw it and it's DVD release, I've grown to hate it more. It's a fucking chick flick for guys. It could be TERMS OF ENDEARMENT if you rearrange the pieces right. It's cliche-ridden, maudlin and creepy in ways it never intended (I thought he was going to fuck his daughter at a couple points).

While I don't doubt some people liked the movie, I'd have to ask them, especially with the passage of time and moments for rumination, was it as good as you thought? Seriously. If Rourke standing at a dead end street talking on a lonely pay phone doesn't make you go "Really?" out loud in the middle of a movie theatre like it did me, I can't help you.

If you want a good Mickey Rourke movie, try the forgotten POINT BLANK (1998.)

POINT BLANK image from kevingage.com

Something Weird selling 35mm print of FEAR NO EVIL (1981).

2009-04-24T22:34:00.000-07:00

What's odd is how they're selling it.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
From their eBay listing:

35mm film "Mark Of The Beast" Color Vintage 1979 (ff3721)

35mm film; Feature Movies (Takes, retakes, outtakes) Marked "Laloggia Prod." 10 rolls (5720ft) original camera negative picture all on cores in 10 1000ft lab cans. Rare, unseen horror movie? Lost movie history ready for rediscovery, vintage, in lab can; Rare, No "Vinegar syndrome"; (see photo)

-------------------------------------------------------------

I find it hard to believe that Something Weird doesn't know what this is. Even harder to believe is how confusing the description is.

Anyway, it's there if you want it.

6th Greatest Music Video Ever Made.

2009-04-22T01:07:00.001-07:00

Who do you think you're fooling?

2009-04-19T00:29:00.000-07:00

After reading the Zooey Deschanel/500 DAYS OF SUMMER piece at the HEADQUARTERS 10 blog, I watched the music video author Matthew Kiernan embedded at the end. A She and Him video.

Um, I've heard this song before.

Things.

2009-04-18T23:51:00.000-07:00

Looking around for stuff about Wildman Steve, I found his son Eric "Fats" Gallon, who lives in Stone Mountain, GA. Fats is a bad ass drummer.

You can read more about him and his pop at his website. There's a book he's written on his life I need to pick up.

THE GOLDEN BOYS opened here this weekend.

A limited release, THE GOLDEN BOYS opened up this weekend in Hyannis, MA, NYC, Charlotte, NC and a fuckload of theaters in Florida. Apparently, it's an old-timers film. I guess I'm an old-timer at 35. I plan on seeing it tomorrow.

I haven't put anything new up in the sections lately because A) I'm lazy and B)I'm lazy. However, if you haven't poked your nose around the sections for awhile, you may find something, especially in the Miami section.

Also, Lee Madden, director of HELL'S ANGELS '69 and ANGEL UNCHAINED died. Back in the day when my friends and I used to dig through video store garbage for posters and such, we would trade posters amongst each other like baseball cards. GHOST FEVER was a running joke. "I'll trade you GHOST FEVER!"

Nobody wanted to get stuck with this poster.

I can't sleep...5th Greatest Music Video Ever Made.

2009-04-14T04:20:00.001-07:00

Bonus video below which may have made the list at sometime but unfortunately the quality is terrible. You may have noticed, we're all about quality around here.

2009-04-13T13:12:00.000-07:00

MARILYN CHAMBERS dead.

Upcoming Fox Movie Channel curios.

2009-04-12T22:16:00.001-07:00

Call me a shill but just don't call me late to watch these movies.

COVER ME BABE (1970)-Robert Forster as a pretentious student filmmaker. From Noel Black, the director of PRIVATE SCHOOL (1983) I've already seen this on here and the print ain't so hot but how else areyou going to see it? Worth watching then forgetting. On Tuesday April 14th, 4:30am

CAPONE (1975)-Ben Gazzara as Capone in this Roger Corman-produced, Steve Carver-directed gangster film. Cassavetes, Stallone, Dick Miller? What more could you want? On April 20, 2009, 2:30am

WILD TIMES (1980)-the Richard Compton directed mini-series starring Dennis Hopper, Sam Elliott, Ben Johnson, Cameron Mitchell and LQ Jones. From a novel by Brian Garfield. On April 25, 2009, 4:00pm

Check the FMC schedule online. They've got a weird idea about time.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

COVER ME BABE and CAPONE poster art from MOVIEPOSTER.COM

WILD TIMES still from STARZ

99 and 44/100 DEAD (1974)

2009-04-12T00:39:00.000-07:00

Just caught this on FOX MOVIE CHANNEL in a nice widescreen print. Didn't fucking record it though. I hope they show it again because it was a blast.

Richard Harris as Harry Crown is one of the most badass action heroes I've ever come across. It's weird to see a movie that truly is ahead of it's time and somehow remains so fresh and alive in the face of modern cinema. Chuck Connors and Bradford Dillman only add to the goofy nihilism.

This is the kind of movie I love most: the movie that inhabits it's own world and never tries to be logical, like ROCK AND ROLL HIGH SCHOOL and NEVER BACK DOWN for a more recent example. Yet somehow it feels more real than my own life and my surroundings. It got into my head in all the good ways.

I've seen two great movies this weekend: one new, one old. Things are looking up.
------------------------------------------
CHUCK CONNORS PICTURE pilfered from BRIAN'S DRIVE-IN THEATER.

Holy Andy Milligan! Peep on this!

2009-04-11T22:36:00.000-07:00

I think Jimmy McDonough is falling on hard times!

Check out this here.

------------------------------------------------
THE ULTIMATE ANDY MILLIGAN COLLECTION

I am selling off a large part of my Andy Milligan collection. These items were in his personal collection and given to me before he passed away in 1991. There are several one-of-a-kind items you won’t find anywhere else in the universe.

--The jewel of the collection is the only known 35mm print in existence of Andy’s 1970 shot-in-England black and white sexploitation opus NIGHTBIRDS, maybe his most personal film. There are a few minimal cuts to the print—I believe this answer print was utilized for a trailer—but nothing major.

--The 1979 35mm workprint/ mag soundtrack (four double reels and one single reel) of HOUSE OF SEVEN BELLES, Andy’s incomplete Civil War horror picture, shot on Staten Island and starring the great Hal Borske (see rare still below). Milligan told me the film was complete save for a finale he was unable to shoot. This is all that exists of the film. The workprint reels bear Andy’s handwritten labels.

--Two 16mm black and white print reels of COMPASS ROSE, Andy’s unfinished satire on the Warhol/Caffe Cino crowd. Features rare footage shot inside the Caffe Cino and stars many Andy regulars: Hal Borske, Annie Linden, Candy Hammond, Gerry Jacuzzo and the late, great Matt Baylor. This is all that exists of the film.

--Extremely rare (and near-pristine condition) two-reel 35mm print of VAPORS, Andy’s legendary 1965 bathhouse epic.

--Color 35mm print of 1970’s GURU, THE MAD MONK.

--Color 35mm print of 1970’s THE BODY BENEATH. Both GURU and BODY have seen some use but seem to be in good shape. No vinegar smell, good color. The BODY print was used for its original VHS release.

--3/4” video masters (circa 1980s) of CANDIDA, NIGHTBIRDS (which Andy had tinted sepia), BODY BENEATH and GURU. Note: these masters were stored away in a shed before they were rescued and the edge of the tape reels have tiny spots of Milliganoid fungus or mold in places. The master of CANDIDA (starring Neil Flanagan) is all that exists of the filmed-in-Staten-Island production.

--Andy’s Nagra and microphone. Yes, the actual recorder used to capture that trademark crappy Milligan sound, at least on the later 35mm films. Can’t vouch for the working order.

I didn’t want to damage any of these materials before a release was undertaken so they have remained intact and generally untouched since I received them. The prints still have their handwritten address label (see photo) for delivery to Andy’s Troupe West theatre.

Please note: I’m not breaking up the lot. It’s the whole enchilada or nothing at all. It is hard for me to part with this stuff, hence the astronomical reserve. I’m certain it’ll piss off Milligan fans—all twelve of you. For various reasons I was unable to unleash this stuff on the world. If there happens to be a winning bidder, I hope they will do just that. I'll provide scans of whatever campaign material I have (see pictures, originals not included) if need be.

No rights are given or implied to the films themselves, just the physical materials.

Payment is due within seven days of auction. The sale is final, no returns.

Please IGNORE THE SHIPPING CHARGE LISTED BELOW. I will ship Fedex insured. Due to the weight, the three 35mm prints will be shipped minus their metal cases unless you want to pay for it. I estimate it'll be four or five boxes worth of stuff and it will be carefully packed. I'll be responsible for anything over $200 for shipping in the US (if the actual cost is less than $200, I'll refund the difference). International will be more, please contact me.
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Disney Marketing at it's Spectacular Worst.

2009-04-11T00:56:00.000-07:00

The worst ad campaign in recent memory was PRIMEVAL.

At what point does that trailer tell you there's a killer crocodile?

In what way does that poster tell you this movie is about a killer crocodile? It's so bad I should pretend that the poster isn't even next to these words.

I go back and forth nowadays between paying attention to what's playing at the multiplex and just ignoring it all, hoping it will go away. But had you told me at the time, Walt Disney, you were releasing a movie about a giant killer crocodile, I'd have been there opening night.

Oddly enough, Miramax Pictures, owned by Walt Disney as well, has just released the worst ad campaign since PRIMEVAL. The Disney marketing machine is really outdoing themselves over there.

At no point does this trailer even hint at the movie you'll see should you choose to go and watch ADVENTURELAND. I figured it was some dopey nu-comedy in the Judd Apatow vein, especially touting SUPERBAD's Greg Motolla direction.

The poster is just as bad. So much so I'm going to pretend it's not even next to these words.

When we complain about modern moviegoing and the shit we have to sit through or what garbage people vote for more of with their box office dollars, remember that ADVENTURELAND played in theaters and you ignored it. Because of that trailer, I almost did too. Please don't be like me. I have seen the light.

This'll probably be the best film I see this year.

Most importantly, it made me happy.

Super special thanks to the MOON IN THE GUTTER "ADVENTURELAND" REVIEW that pointed me in the right direction.

PRIMEVAL poster from worstpreviews.com. I don't frequent the place but they came up first in the Google image search for PRIMEVAL posters. I know nothing about them. They could be satanists.

ADVENTURELAND poster from the kick-ass IMP AWARDS!

4th Greatest Music Video Ever.

2009-04-09T00:34:00.000-07:00

Due to the fact I had to work tonight, I missed .38 Special at the Clay County Agricultural Fair. In honor of the hometown heroes, Serious Exploitation presents the 4th Greatest Music Video Ever.

EXTRA ADDED BONUS !:

It's official: ST. IVES Is Bronson's best film ever.

2009-04-06T01:10:00.000-07:00

I'm going to have to go on the record here and say ST. IVES is my favorite Bronson film. Big Lots got in the DVD for $3 new. Couldn't wait for the TELEFON double feature on 5/19, which has a pretty generic cover by the way.

Haven't seen it in a few years but I always think about it. I love that cafeteria he hangs at. I want a cafeteria like that here in town so I can go and drink beer out of a goblet with beans and knockwurst. What happened to this country?

Marquee swiped from boston.com.

The Ballad Of Lou Perryman.

2009-04-03T23:54:00.000-07:00

Image from CINEMA WASTELAND.

Sometime in 2007, I wrote an article for American Vulture about Eagle Pennell. Nothing major. Just lamenting on how LAST NIGHT AT THE ALAMO affected me and how much I wanted to see the THE WHOLE SHOOTIN' MATCH. Since American Vulture will unfortunately cease to exist after April 13th, 2009, I'll reprint it here:

------------------------------
THINKIN' ABOUT EAGLE PENNELL
by Eric M. Harvey

Whenever I think about making a movie, Eagle Pennell comes to mind.

Eagle was the guy who directed THE WHOLE SHOOTIN' MATCH, a movie that Robert Redford famously championed as the reason he started Sundance. He was also the guy who directed LAST NIGHT AT THE ALAMO, one of my all-time favorites even though I never mention it when somebody asks, "What're your favorite movies?" (I usually draw a complete blank anyway).

Working at Movies Worth Seeing in Atlanta, LAST NIGHT AT THE ALAMO hung out in the sleeper section, a catch-all for quirky indie stuff from the 70's up. It was a Continental Video release in the huge big box so it stuck out like a sore thumb. If you read the synopsis on the back and check out the stills, you get a "this could go either way" feeling. Luckily, it did go the way of greatness.

At the time, I'd describe it to the customers as "the redneck CLERKS" just to pique their interest. It also stars Lou Perryman, L.G. from TEXAS CHAINSAW 2, so what more do you really need. For TEXAS CHAINSAW completists, Kim Henkel wrote, produced and co-edited it.

Everybody who took the plunge loved it. I feel bad describing it like that nowadays because it's so much better than that. It's what independent film used to be and I wish could be again: talented people using whatever they got to make a scruffy, likable, minor masterpiece which completely captures the region it comes from and makes film a viable option in life's pursuit of happiness. It's that inspiring.

Eagle Pennell died, pretty much thanks to his alcoholism, in 2002. Around that time, there was a retrospective of his works at the Alamo Drafthouse in his stomping grounds of Austin that included LAST NIGHT as well as THE WHOLE SHOOTIN' MATCH and his short film, A HELL OF A NOTE. His output was miniscule and other than LAST NIGHT, none of them were released on video (if you read this and should have a copy of WHOLE SHOOTIN' or any others besides LAST NIGHT, I'll definitely be your best friend).

Apparently, they're grizzled greatness at it's most sloppy. If they're anything like LAST NIGHT AT THE ALAMO, then they'd probably become favorites as well which I could blank on at the dreaded favorite movies question.

If you've seen it, I'm preachin' to the choir. If you haven't, do yourself a favor. Track down LAST NIGHT AT THE ALAMO.
-------------------------------------

Because of that article, M.G. Wood, grand poobah of American Vulture, recieved an email from Lou Perryman. He forwarded it to me and to make a long story short, it pretty much was a thank you as well as an invitation to contact him further.

I never did. Equal parts laziness, equal parts fear. I don't consider myself a journalist and I'm scared about starting something I can't finish. I do it a lot and lose track of time. Also I think it was mostly fear. What the fuck am I going to say to Claude from LAST NIGHT AT THE ALAMO? L.G. from TCM2? Looking back, I remember saying to myself to contact him. And then I truly and honestly forgot. My life is a perpetual Bermuda Triangle of time.

My buddy Murphy called me tonight and told me about what happened. I was shocked. I'm even more shocked now that I've had time to think about it. And to read about how he died is even more infuriating, sad and confusing. He was supposed to be part of the TCM reunion at Cinema Wasteland this weekend.

Even more maddening is how underused and overlooked he was, not to mention the great Sonny Carl Davis, his cinematic partner in crime. They were the Matthau and Lemmon of Texas. Possibly even more important in the grand scheme of things for me. Because even though Matthau and Lemmon were schlubs every man could relate to, Perryman and Davis were schlubs every man from the South could relate to. Those characters they created in the Pennell films, I know those people. Those people ARE my family.

I've got a lot of dreams that die by my own self-defeatist hand but there's this script I have half-written that when I was writing it, I had Perryman in mind for the father role. Every time I wrote a line for the father character, all I could hear was Perryman's Claude character from LAST NIGHT AT THE ALAMO.

I tend to attach people to certain things based on the music or movies they make, and those people make me want to go there. In the late 80's/early 90's, The Replacements/Paul Westerberg's LEFT OF THE DIAL made me want to move to Georgia, which I did.

Perryman and Pennell in the late 90's/early 2000's made me want to move to Austin, TX, which I haven't yet. Now they're both gone. Pennell by his own selfish, fucked up demons (which sadly I can relate to, explaining my Westerberg/Pennell/Peckinpah worship that at most times nowadays I try not to wear as a badge of honor) and now Perryman because of pure insanity.

In a way, I'm glad I made no contact with Lou Perryman. If I had, this would have been more hard to take than it is. In the interviews I've read about him and the interviews I've seen with him, he seems to be one of the most honest and lovable gentlemen ever to walk the earth.

My heart goes out to his family and friends. Please seek out the available work he left behind.

LOU PERRYMAN DEAD at The Onion's A.V. Club.

LOU PERRYMAN homicide info at Austin's KXAN.com.

LOU PERRYMAN and SONNY CARL DAVIS interview at the Onion's A.V. Club.

My original article at AMERICAN VULTURE (while it lasts).

Goodnight, Mr. Perryman. I guess the only thing we can do is play you a song. And I couldn't even tell you why it's this one.

Maybe because I'm just a Florida boy who dreams of Texas.

And thank you, Lou Perryman, for helping make those dreams seem in reach as well as comfortable and familiar.

Fuck, I'm hammered = 3rd Greatest Music Video Ever Made.

2009-04-03T02:58:00.000-07:00

The one thing about alcohol is it unleashes the shit you used to think about when you were on the pot. Things like watching KING FRAT and writing down the perfect cast to do a remake with (I know Dave Chapelle was involved). And fuck, remember that Remo Williams video?

2nd Greatest Music Video Ever Made.

2009-03-31T23:26:00.001-07:00

Good news for Brad Grinter fans!

2009-03-31T23:05:00.000-07:00

David Szulkin of Grindhouse Releasing left a comment that he bought the print of BARELY PROPER on eBay! Not only does it go to a good home, it'll probably get seen by a lot of people.

Now we have to find the other lost Brad Grinter nudist film, NEVER THE TWAIN (1974), if only because...

...it's a nudist film about a man possessed by the spirit of Mark Twain at the Miss Nude World Pageant.

GRINDHOUSE RELEASING

NEVER THE TWAIN IMDB Entry

There's a lot of stuff up around the Miami section. Click around.

Coincidence? I think not...

2009-03-29T11:18:00.000-07:00

There are times when I shake off my atheist tendencies and think that there actually may be a higher power in the universe. That maybe those intelligent design proponents are right.

Of course, my higher power enjoys the films of Brad Grinter.

I came across a film I'd never heard of. Here it is below:

BARELY PROPER. Just what the fuck is a BARELY PROPER, I ask myself. Well, let's scoot on over to the IMDB.

BARELY PROPER is a Brad Grinter nudist film from 1975.

From 1975? Wow.

So anyway I look over the listing and find a post from somebody named misanthropic_666, who sounds like a reasonable fellow. I'm just going to copy his post to here to save you time:

" Does anyone out there have a copy of BARELY PROPER on video? I found out that Something Weird Video put it on video sometime in the mid 1990's but they no longer offer it anymore. I ordered it from them about 6 months ago and they sent me my money back and said it was not available. Someone out there must've purchased a copy of this film from SWV back when it was available. Anyhow, I have an original poster for BARELY PROPER which came out in 1975. It was a late-in-the game nudist camp film shot down in Florida and was directed by Brad Frank Grinter who was a nudist in real life. The film starred his favorite actress Heather Hughes who appears in most of Grinter's films. It also starred Gideon who is a well known artist who lives in Florida. If anyone out there has the film, an original pressbook, lobby cards, film stills, etc. please email me. I'd love to finally see this "lost" film on video and DVD someday!"

Google BARELY PROPER and you'll also find a link to the MySpace site of one Gavcrimson, who says he was once called "a latter day Sherlock Holmes of pornography". Which is way cool. Seems like a good guy. But Gavcrimson has a MySpace friend with the moniker Absinthe, who posted a comment on Gavcrimson's page which goes a little like this (I'm going to take the whole comment verbatim so you don't have to go there right at this point):

" Thanks for the add. I don't know if you remember me but years ago when I first started using the internet, I used to read your reviews of exploitation films on the Internet Movie Database website and I emailed you a few times about Brad F. Grinter's "lost" films. Supposedly, sometime in the mid-1990's Something Weird Video released Grinter's late-in-the-game nudist film, "Barely Proper" (1975) which I have an original poster for. Well, to make a long story short, I ordered the film from SWV and they gave me a credit refund and told me that the film was no longer available. After that I emailed Lisa Petrucci (Mike Vraney's wife) and she told me that Barely Proper was dropped because SWV didn't have the rights to it and that Mike was currently in contact with Randy Grinter (Brad's son) and attempting to purchase the rights from him. Lisa also went on to say that she didn't know the status of "Never The Twain" (the other Grinter nudist film from the same year which I also have an original poster for.) Needless to say, it's already half way through 2008 and SWV has yet to release neither film.

BTW, if you haven't already noticed, Andy Milligan is my favorite of all exploitation film makers. He's the BEST! Please don't believe all the lies posted about him all over the internet."

I'm thinking misanthropic_666 and Absinthe are the same guy. This dude is all about Brad Grinter. In fact, this guy should probably write a book on him. I'd fuckin' buy it.

But back to IMDB...

I find out about this movie I've never heard of. Then I find out it's a nudist movie made by Brad Grinter in 1975. Then it just so happens there's another post on the message board. From March 23, 2009. Here again, I'm just taking the post (attributed to ttribalfreak):

"Just posted this film on eBay...check it out, item# 230333072503".

Wow! I find out about this movie and now someone has a copy of it for sale on eBay? Cool! Poor misanthropic_666 has been looking for this movie forever. Well, at least since March 20, 2004, the date of his IMDB post.

So I head on over to eBay to check it out. And Holy Shit...

Are you sitting down? Okay, look:

Yeah. tribalfrek (how he's known on eBay) is actually selling a print of BARELY PROPER.

Here's his strange description:

"Very Rare Find!!! Never completed film by Brad Frank Grinter...written by Manny Dietz, Produced by B. Grinter and Chas Youngman. Stared: Gideon, Heather Hughes, Jan Livingston and Cindy Walker. This film was made in 1975, promo posters and all. I came across these reels at a friends house...he told me they were in the storage unit when he got there. After doing a little research I found these reels never made it to editing, they were being shiped from Brooklyn, NY. to Miami FL. I have 3 cases of film but the shipping lable says 3 of 4...I don't know if 1 more case is missing or made it to Miami. The company that made this film is no longer open...PLEASE DO YOUR RESEARCH ON THIS FILM. There is a cult flowing for B.F. Grinter If you have any questions...please write. Thank you.... Note: these cases are heavy, even shipping through UPS it will cost."

I don't know what never made it to editing means. He mentions the shipping label says 3 of 4 but there's eight reels. Unless this is the IT'S A MAD MAD MAD MAD WORLD of nudist films, it's safe to say that this is the whole movie. Or possibly an uncut work print, if tribalfrek is correct in saying this has never been edited.

$50? Hell yeah! $180 shipping? Fuck no! I work in a liquor store, man.

But in the film nerd business, coincidence happens like this all the time. And for somebody out there, or should I say, somebody with the funds to purchase a 35 mm print of a possibly unedited work print of BARELY PROPER, well...I'm envious.

You have until tomorrow to buy it. Get to work.

BARELY PROPER IMDB Entry

tribalfrek's BARELY PROPER eBay listing

Gavcrimson's MySpace page

Greatest Music Video Ever Made.

2009-03-27T02:48:00.000-07:00

A few more things around the Jacksonville pages. And the Greatest Music Video Ever Made.

2009-03-25T02:22:00.000-07:00

Slow fucking start, eh? I've been re-doing things (meaning straightening up unorganized piles of movie shit) and getting the money together for a new scanner. I've got a ton of stuff I'm going through and I need something bigger for old video ads from the 80's and larger pressbooks. However, I came across some more old Jacksonville microfilm and I put some up, mostly in the SERIOUS JACKSONVILLE HORROR section as well as SERIOUS JACKSONVILLE CHOPSOCK and SERIOUS JACKSONVILLE SEXPLOITATION. Not a lot mind you but I'm getting spring fever and have plans to head over to the college this weekend to do more Miami microfilm. When that happens, I'm good for a solid two weeks of putting shit up.

New 12 screen all digital Carmike multiplex opened up not far from me and I checked it out last Friday, which coincidentally was opening day. Nothing major to report other than moviegoing is dead. I swear the place felt like I was in a Chuck E. Cheese. And I guess because it was opening day and one of the first shows, everybody was super patronizingly nice, holding doors open and doing everything but blowing me. Kind of creepy actually. The presentation was nice, I have to give them that. Popcorn sucked though.

And the film? I finally caught up with THE WRESTLER. And it's a pretty awful movie, even though I liked parts of it. However, if this is considered offbeat and challenging cinema, we're fucked. Seriously fucked.

I did get to watch THE HONKERS on Encore Western Channel Friday night. It's not bad, but I wasn't too impressed. Rodeo footage was excellent and James Coburn is great. But the whole Slim Pickens thing is handled horribly and the motherfucker literally just ends, as if there was no ending at all. You could argue maybe that was the point, but the truth is, JUNIOR BONNER is way better. In the 1972 broken down rodeo rider sweepstakes, it's the winner hands down, but I should reserve judgement as I'm in the process of procuring Cliff Robertson's J.W. COOP, which surprisingly I've never seen and may kick JUNIOR BONNER's ass.

2009-02-14T14:25:00.000-08:00

In honor of the FRIDAY THE 13th remake (or dishonor since it sucked balls), here is a piece original FRIDAY scribe Victor Miller penned for the Washington Post way back in 1980. Check it out by clicking the link below.

CONFESSIONS OF A HORROR WRITER by Victor Miller

Also skip on over here to commemorate Valentine's Day by checking out Boston Globe's Michael Bowen and his original MY BLOODY VALENTINE review. In case you're wondering, I liked the remake.

MY BLOODY VALENTINE(1981)review by Michael Blowen

2009-02-08T22:22:00.000-08:00

I'm gettin' the itch again. After failing out of school, I've gotten back into a band. What better reason to leave school, right? Especially at 35 years of age.
That's me to the left of the picture.

But the itch came back hardcore as I was perusing eBay, typed in AIN'T THAT JUST LIKE A HONKEY, and found this:

I had to work the night it ended and I didn't get it. I wonder if Chris Poggiali got it.

Anyway, it got me the itch and the itch led to "Fuck, I need to go back to the UNF Library and do some more microfilming" and then I realized, "Fuck! I got more stuff I ain't put up!".

So yeah, this week, new stuff.

I also think Lux Interior's death played a role in all this. Life is short, filled with stuff, y'know?

R.I.P Lux...on with the show

2008-09-07T23:31:00.000-07:00

Woo Hoo! A.D.D. strikes again! But there's a new slew of ballyhoo,film reviews and cheapjack exploitation stew ready to be thrown at you!

Check out:

SERIOUS FILM REVIEWS AND NEWS

THE WORLD OF CHARLES B. PIERCE

and SERIOUS BILL COSFORD for updates!

Look for new Miami and Jax ads this week!

2008-08-11T01:03:00.001-07:00

What's going on?

2008-06-20T01:23:00.001-07:00

Plenty of new ads up around the Serious Jax area as well as the Serious Miami Exploitation portion of the site. Tons of new old reviews for youse to peruse should you choose.

I also added SERIOUS MIAMI RESTAURANTS, NIGHT LIFE & RETAIL to take a look back on some Miami food institutions and as a barometer of prices and quality of goods as well as graphic design back in the day.

2008-06-14T00:44:00.001-07:00

Hey! You made it! So welcome to the new SERIOUS EXPLOITATION! The same old stuff and more! It's a lot cleaner and a lot easier to navigate. I think.

The whole deal is to click on the links to the right. Each and every page, click to the right. I think it's intuitive enough. Any comments on the design is appreciated, where I can touch it up and shit. Keep in mind, I started this a day and a half ago.

So jump right in and find something new and old!